By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21
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I think you arrived at exactly the right time to expose this terrible excuse of a man.
Honestly, you should tell your friend instantly about your daughter doing something like that. It's disrespect to you, your home, and of course to your friend. As it was also in your home,what they did makes you 'complicit' by association, especially if you cover it up at this point. And their response shows utter contempt for both you AND your friend.
"Your daughter doing something like that". While sure, the daughter probably shouldn't be sleeping with a married man, OP should tell her friend about her HUSBAND doing something like that. I can't stand when people blame the other woman. The daughter isn't cheating on someone (as far as we know), so don't blame her.
I don't know if I consider the daughter "just as much at fault," because it was the husband that had an obligation, but to say she has no blame and hate the fact that "the other woman is being blamed," just isn't right in this instance. The daughter clearly knew he was married, she knowingly HELPED defile the husband's marriage and relationship, if she didn't give him the opportunity, if she would have had morals and realized she'd be helping someone hurt another person and said to him "no, you're married, go home to your wife," none of this would have happened. She is essentially an accomplice, and on top of all that, she has 0 remorse, which is clear with the statement "you shouldn't have come home so early." Cheaters like this, they're the worst, cause they know they're doing something wrong, that's why they hide it, but they don't care it hurts people and when they're finally caught, they'll blame everyone but themselves and will come up with every justification imaginable.
Sleeping with married men isn't great, but it's not a single chick looking for casual sex's job to manage a married man's morals. She didn't make any vows of loyalty to anyone, he did. If he's looking to cheat, he'll find somebody, and regardless of who it is his wife will get hurt. I'm not saying go out and sleep with married people, but if someone cheats it's 100% their responsibility.
I've never understood this line of thought, as if it is somehow only the responsibility of the married people to keep their marriage sacrosanct and intact. As a good friend of mine is fond of saying, 'marriage is the worst thing in the world... except for not being married'. Marriage is a social contract between two people *in the context of the larger society*. It is up to ALL of us in that society to help married people (who understandably often have a difficult time of it, with all the temptation in this world for them to be unfaithful) by supporting their marriage and helping them live a life of better integrity and fidelity. Anyone who cheats with a married person is guilty of adultery. (That's not my opinion, that's a fact.) They may be a '9' on the guilty scale while the married person is a '10', but they certainly bear a great deal of guilt for their actions. And even someone who *enables* a couple to cheat is a guilty contributor. OP's daughter is guilty of helping this husband break his vows, and he is guilty of breaking them. To say that she is somehow blameless is disingenuous at best.
36, your one of those people who has kids and then brings them to a fancy restaurant and lets them cry and ruin everyone's meal just because "being a parent is hard I deserve nice things too," aren't you? Look, I've got student loans to pay, family to take care of, a job to work, my own relationships to manage. I don't need to add every random couple's marriage to that list. I personally don't even see the point in getting married, do it if you want, but the relationship, not the title, is what matter to me. If you decide to get married, that's on you. You decided to do it, so it's your responsibility. Likewise, if I ever cheat, that's on me, not on the guy I slept with. I'm a big girl, I knew what I was doing, it's not some random guy's job to make sure I'm a good person. If my boyfriend ever cheats, that's on him, not on the girl he slept with. I'm not dating that girl, that girl doesn't owe me shit.
#6 #30 #31 #51 Ok but imagine this; you see a store being robbed. Do you think "Well, that stuff is getting stolen anyway, might as well take it"? Just because he might just go out and cheat with someone else doesn't make it ok to be the one he's cheating with. Helping someone cheat is hurting the other person in the relationship and rather than allowing or helping it happen, you should tell the person so they can know whats happening behind their back. It's true that they're not just as guilty but they are still guilty.
talk about an awkward conversation, so sorry. you should tell your friend because what he's doing is super grimy and a betrayal of both your trusts on different level. You should really also have a talk with your daughter about boundaries of men in relationships as well though.
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I love how nobody else considered the possibility of the daughter not knowing the husband was married, and her response to her mother could have been a spur-of-the-moment embarrassment due to her being caught fucking someone. In this case, an apology should be made and they should both dump that cheating fuck.
When I was a teen, I met my mom's friends and usually their spouses. I don't know how it works in all families, but I wouldn't be surprised if OP and her best friend knew each other's families as well--which means the daughter knew she was screwing a married man.
This is her own mother's best friend's husband, there is too much of a connection there for this to be mere coincidence. Most people meet their parent's friends and their spouses, especially best friends, I've met most of my parents friends as well as their significant others. This girl is 20, not 5, she'd have to be completely clueless to not know that this is her mom's friend's husband. And the statement she made just supports that, "you shouldn't have come home so early," that wasn't embarrassment due to getting caught having sex, that was guilt because both of them (husband and the daughter) got caught doing something wrong and she was trying to pass off the guilt by somehow trying to make it the mother's fault.