Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself...

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 867

You deserved it 6 510

Intimacy

Another great day to be alive

Addams Family Values

Anxiety

Barf

By epicfailureismyl - 05/04/2018 15:00

Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 503

You deserved it 896

By nothing - 08/04/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 839

You deserved it 63 678

By aurorason - 06/02/2010 06:25 - France

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 3 498

On the beat

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 00:02 - Greece - Thessaloniki

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 503

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 790

You deserved it 4 191

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 144

By ohyesIfeelspecial - 18/05/2012 16:05 - United States - Portland

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 620

You deserved it 2 450

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 4 026

All over the place

By Gloria Lovestar - 03/10/2019 20:00

Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 107

By Angel - 13/01/2016 13:56 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 117

You deserved it 1 742

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 426

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 10:12 - Malta - Qormi

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105

You deserved it 5 965

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 00:29 - Serbia

Today, I got a call from Red Cross about the blood donation I gave last week. They informed me that I have Hepatitis C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 431

You deserved it 4 246

By Anonymous - 04/11/2012 18:14 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 701

You deserved it 2 356

By omgomgomg - 27/10/2011 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush and had to get changed in a train restroom. While changing, I leaned against the button that opened the door. Not only do train toilet doors open and close very slowly, leaving you half naked for a few seconds, but everyone in the carriage opposite can see clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 203

You deserved it 4 166

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 129

You deserved it 2 739

The grind

By Gunaditya - 26/09/2021 23:00

Today, what did I get after a long, tiring week? A long, depressing weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 101

By wellalrightythen - 09/02/2015 06:23 - United States - Hobart

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 804

You deserved it 2 486

By London - 18/09/2009 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 086

You deserved it 3 374

Spin on this

By foreveralone - 21/03/2020 06:00

Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 349

By Anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 2 340

By Alittlebitiffy - 14/11/2016 12:42 - Australia - Caloundra

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 058

You deserved it 1 260

By ALetterADay - 24/12/2017 01:30

Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 024

You deserved it 457

By NoConfusion - 14/09/2014 12:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 3 333

By Anonymous - 02/10/2009 08:37 - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 300

You deserved it 11 532

By pukathlon - 10/12/2010 17:21 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 133

You deserved it 2 973

By vanessax - 11/04/2012 05:04 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 251

You deserved it 23 076

By mumfordandsonimdisappointed - 29/08/2015 05:09 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 585

You deserved it 19 793

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 23:12 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 807

You deserved it 2 626

Roommates from hell

By ugh - 30/09/2011 19:45 - United States

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 3 501

By concertqueen - 27/08/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 469

You deserved it 2 749

By Goatkvlt - 22/11/2008 07:02 - France

Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 674

You deserved it 5 876

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 22:10 - United States - Chandler

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 388

You deserved it 41 457

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 210

You deserved it 29 361

uBlock, mate

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:01

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 188

By notsohot - 26/10/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 676

You deserved it 4 231

Battery

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 05:00

Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 198

Revelations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 20:45

Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 142

By awkwardRA - 19/09/2018 03:30

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 420

Overreaction much?

By brokenglass - 24/03/2021 21:30

Today, while bringing my grandmother some water, I tripped, dropping and shattering the glass. Infuriated, she explained to me that the glass was worth more than I am and ordered me out of her house for good. I live there. I was also with her when she bought the glass. $10 for a set of 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 52

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Top comments

yourlifesfucked 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 0:31

BOOM! Headshot! Look on the bright side OP. At least you didn't decide you needed to stretch your legs. You coulda kneed him in the balls, and then no dick for you!

amberbby69 6

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Monday 8 November 2010 0:51

Meh, it happens.

Lizza330 28

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Monday 8 November 2010 0:23

I hope you're okay.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Monday 8 November 2010 1:03

Bonk.

DudeImBetter 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 1:06

bonk 2 the max.

ishama13 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 1:12

That makes one hard thing in your intamcy.

Aurinity 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 1:18

That's what you want.

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:04

Be sure to check out the thrilling conclusion to the "Bonk" series (following "Bonk" and "Bonk 2: The Max") by watching the latest smash hit: "Bonk 3: Aftershock".

XxDevilxXGt 26

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:18

well if he was lowering his head to kiss your neck and you raised yourself up wouldn't he end up kissing your tits? just sayin ^^

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:28

Bonk: To The Extreme! Bonk: The Curious Case Of Benjamin Butthole

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:40

KA-POW! D:

buddybudda 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:04

do me now!!

eshhayz 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 9:45

which head?

InDenial 6

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Monday 8 November 2010 11:45

Lolwut?

luvyah 0

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Wednesday 10 November 2010 0:33

cute

allstar2000000 0

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Wednesday 12 October 2011 11:39

Doesn't matter had sex

seymourlilly17 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 0:26

YDI for not being married.

LFAM_fml 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 1:13

Comment Moderated? lol what did u say?

Hgielad_720 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:02

She said YDI for not being married or something like that.

iGrenade 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 8:13

how is that offensive? some mods are just too sensitive. /facepalm

yourlifesfucked 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 0:31

BOOM! Headshot! Look on the bright side OP. At least you didn't decide you needed to stretch your legs. You coulda kneed him in the balls, and then no dick for you!

Hgielad_720 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 0:35

YDI for having sex. ;)

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Monday 8 November 2010 1:20

Yes, sex is a horrible act! How dare you!

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:02

26 is angry because 4 iz be trollin', and thus is encroaching on his territory.

Hgielad_720 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:04

Nah. I was being serious. :)

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:06

Really? It's irrelevant. I was making a joke.

Hgielad_720 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:08

No, haha I was kidding. Yes, I realized you were joking. I chuckled a little.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:09

26 I iz b joking as well, I iz b jealous virgin maby or just anti slut unless dey fuckin on me den hell ya gimme dat shiit!

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Monday 8 November 2010 2:19

Since I have no idea what I just said, I'll say it again. 36, I think you tink that I think that 4 thinks that sex is an unacceptable act, but i think that's not what I thought at all! If I could get laid I would... Probably.

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:01

Sex is overrated.

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:11

So I'm told, Selena.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:15

Yup.

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:20

What would I know? I'm just a teenager.

boopityboppity 11

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Monday 8 November 2010 3:31

... Then why would you say something like that?

BenD0VER 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 5:34

Take it from me, sex IS overrated. You'll never forget your first time. The first 3-5 girls, and it's exciting. After that, it's really just same old, same old. My left hand can do a better job than half the girls I've fucked.

PushMyButtons 5

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Monday 8 November 2010 5:49

your a lefty?

emmi23 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 5:49

thats coz u hav neva fuked me ( but i dont think u eva will)

PushMyButtons 5

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Monday 8 November 2010 5:50

*you're

emmi23 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 6:19

73 its coz u havnt slept wit me yet ( not that u ever will)

SirSantpoort 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 8:29

56 - Sex is overrated? I guess no guy gave it good enough to be you.. Sucks to be you :(

underguarded 20

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Monday 8 November 2010 9:30

I'm gonna jump on this and say, if you don't have good sex partners maybe it's your fault????? this is getting irrelevant to the main topic isn't it?

amberbby69 6

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Monday 8 November 2010 17:20

You guys have seriously been with the wrong people. Sex is so not overrated. lol

MuchDance90s 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 17:38

Sec is great... sometimes just "very good" and other times it's amazing! I've had sex with the same person for over 10 years, however, so that may have something to do with it. Lots of practice? Maybe for some people who have had multiple partners it's more difficult for some people to get in sync? I have no idea. But in my experience... it's one of my favorite activities!

MuchDance90s 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 17:40

haha, SEX not sec SEX SEX SEX

yamad21 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 19:02

virgin bitch don't say sex is bad it is best thing ever

butthole_cheeze 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 21:13

good God, you are so beautiful (#4)

corytheboss 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 23:29

4 is my lovable Teddy bear?

Hgielad_720 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 1:19

What??

Ashley121645 0

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Wednesday 10 November 2010 8:09

4 stfu u annoying bitch

Ashley121645 0

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Wednesday 10 November 2010 8:12

sex is overrated for people who fuck too much or just fail at sex. maybe the reason its soo bad is because of your performance.

No_LoveMM 3

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Sunday 30 January 2011 6:34

4, 36, and 56 are all either virgins, or gay. And if they are the former, then they have no experience with it and therefore have no right to talk about it. If they are the latter, then I understand why it is overrated to you.