Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
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Top comments
raysmith121 10
This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.
MDoremis 38
You kind of deserved that. There's no point in lying to save someone's feelings and make yourself miserable.
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Comments (136)
BrandiCandi94 4
I'm really not trying to be a bitch, but you kind of brought that on yourself. You should have stopped him and told him that it wasn't doing anything for you, and shown him what you wanted.
Keiraquarium 12
You're not a bad person for faking an ****** because loooads of people do it but you're gonna want to rectify that mistake and soon! You don't have to be brutal about it, just say something like 'you know, I actually really like it when you...' or 'it's really hot when...'
amarie2009 22
What the hell is wrong with you, it was his first time! Find out what he likes and teach him what you like. Help the guy out, instead of behaving like an idiot!
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
He probably thought it was like playing Street Fighter the first time. Just press all the buttons randomly and you'll win.
vlad79 9
yup, all your fault. dudes first time and instead of teaching him right, you allow him to think smacking shit around will get a girl off. poor dude is done for and it's all your fault.
heyLaddieHey 18
Because why be open and honest in your relationship when you can lie and be miserable.
vicky_P 3
faking an ******? yeah, that's a GREAT MARVELOUS way to get your boyfriend to be better in bed. Great job!!!
ILikeKoalas 24
People like you that fake it are the reason men get so cocky and arrogant when it comes to their sex skills. And now he'll keep on thinking that women like it when he bitch slaps their ******. Well done you.
Pinkiss_fml 21
What kind of weird **** did he learn that from?
GeorgiaBea 28
Um no. Communication is the key to a good sex life. If he's never done it, then it's your job to teach him.