Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
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Top comments
raysmith121 10
This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.
MDoremis 38
You kind of deserved that. There's no point in lying to save someone's feelings and make yourself miserable.
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Comments (136)
chch3 5
Why don't you tell him how you feel
WOTAN1488 24
Hilarious.
missmisery86 11
hahaha ive been there. why do guys think thats in any way a good thing to do? i know faking an ****** just so they will stop doesnt help but i dont want to make the guy feel bad or embarassed either. but seriously, i dont understand why the female anatomy is such a mystery to guys. would they like it if we started slapping their dicks really hard? doubt it.
nitrog100 21
If you've ever seen some of the terrible advice they give in Cosmo, you'd know that many women don't know (pardon the double entendre) dick.
drshn 22
Ok everyone here saying YDI need to calm down and empathize more. She is a teenager and she does not clearly know what to do. @OP, choose a time when you both are in good mood and tell him where he went wrong. It week hurt his ego but you ate the experienced one so take the high road and explain it to him patiently.
mrBearBear 11
If it's his first time then you need to teach him. You could've told him what to do an had an actual ****** but instead you'll have to endure his ****** smacking.
CaptainBlack 18
probably something he saw in some **** and thought it would be a good idea in real life
thewhale 8
Has he not watched **** before?
TisAPenguin 16
That's on you. Be honest. It's that simple. You're an idiot.
rabbi1010 29
you deserve it. What happens when he wants to get intimate again? If youre mature enough to be having sex then you should be mature enough to at least let him know that hurts.
MaterMortis 6
Bitch move on your part