Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
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Top comments
raysmith121 10
This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.
MDoremis 38
You kind of deserved that. There's no point in lying to save someone's feelings and make yourself miserable.
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Comments (136)
604 11
Y u no teach him?
trollcrusher 17
Now we're going to see an FML from your boyfriend at some point down the road, when someone who's actually honest tells him he doesn't know what the heck he's doing.
Skoff_fml 27
aye. If you pretend to like something you will be stuck with it repeating. Just tell the guy you don't like it and tell them something else to try instead.
raysmith121 10
This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.
logicnazi 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Tell him to watch more babes and less brazzers
lovelockdown23 23
Lol sucks because he's going to meet more women who fake their orgasms so he will never know just how horrible he is......or he will meet someone who straight up tells him he sucks and then his ego will be shot.
AninOnin 24
That's the dilemma for most girls though. Instruct him how to be a better lover (implying they weren't good enough to begin with) and risk his ego, or skip it and pretend to be satisfied to make him happy.
MandieL 27
If he is mature enough to be having sex, then in theory, he should be mature enough to allow for some sexy teachings. Especially knowing that he is inexperienced.
Jowisee 29
A mature person would love to be taught, it's a great feeling knowing exactly what your partner likes.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Are you going to tell him or should we?
Ash1179 17
uh, I'm not telling him
grayguysarehot 12
Elsa: "Don't you dare"
domolovesyoshi 33
It was Ana not Elsa who said that.
soulcrusher11 16
the fact that the stupid movie frozen was brought up here makes me feel like this app is goin downhill
reeper147 14
This is obviously your fault. If it was his first time, and he was so bad, then why weren't you teaching him? You should be showing him what to do and how to do them. Faking orgasms helps absolutely no one.
devinaww 15
at least it helped stop the bitch slapping maybe OP was panicking lol
MDoremis 38
You know what else would have worked? "Ow, stop, that hurts." Or even: "That's really uncomfortable for me."
taylorswitf 15
or even a simple "please stop"
MDoremis 38
You kind of deserved that. There's no point in lying to save someone's feelings and make yourself miserable.
jenjen2633 17
Ouch! Why did you endure that for 20 or 30 seconds? I would've made him stop after 2.
reeper147 14
Well wouldn't you stop him then tell him what he was doing wrong? I'd include her like him/her, but I doubt many women woudld make this mistake
Dusty_Cups 30
As a woman myself, I can't emphasize enough that you shouldn't fake it. Tell him what you want him to do and what you need to be satisfied. Otherwise you'll forever be disappointed with your partner/future partners. Besides, faking is kinda like lying to him and that's just not fair to either of you.
whythankyou 19
So you faked an ****** and now you're upset that he believed you?
amadeclton 27
YDI for faking an ****** instead of asking him to stop.
Redoxx_fml 22
30 seconds to fake ******? He is a Sex God