It never rains… - FML

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was at work when I got a call to say my grandad died. When I was walking out to my car, I realised someone had stolen all my hubcaps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 83

Mama's boy

This Charming Man

Emergency!

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 698

You deserved it 2 414

By The_Black_Jesus - 31/03/2013 13:32 - United States

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 273

You deserved it 5 222

By uncleaning - 22/07/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 436

You deserved it 4 571

By UnluckyTeen - 22/10/2009 11:29 - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 788

You deserved it 3 396

By Ophelia - 22/11/2012 05:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 341

You deserved it 4 101

By Anonymous - 02/12/2014 17:39 - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 270

You deserved it 4 188

By stillAvirgin:( - 20/06/2011 01:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 734

You deserved it 9 090

Great input, dad

By shamed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 725

You deserved it 3 392

By ScarletBuckeye - 09/07/2016 16:38

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 436

You deserved it 4 953

Prison Break

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 16:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my daughter's best friends birthday party, only to find my ex there, who is now sleeping with the mother, who has a fiancé in prison, who isn't going to be happy when he gets out. Most awkward kids birthday party ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 166

By Jaxter - 18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 789

You deserved it 14 962

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 714

You deserved it 4 138

By Ceej - 30/07/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 568

You deserved it 6 661

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Spicy

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 808

You deserved it 3 723

By losing the plot - 08/04/2015 19:36 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 561

You deserved it 17 454

By farmvillefail - 09/01/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 855

You deserved it 4 351

By bonnmo - 11/11/2018 11:30 - United States

Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 929

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 08:16 - Australia

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 504

You deserved it 11 564

Animalistic

By 00anon00 - 02/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 142

Freak out

By menstruation nation - 11/08/2020 05:01

Today, my boyfriend flipped out when he saw a period tracker app on my phone. According to him, chicks only use those when they want to know when they’re the most fertile so they can “baby trap” a man. I have irregular cycles. The app helps me know when I should or shouldn’t expect a period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 122

By bouda - 15/05/2011 18:19 - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 7 525

By Hoover - 01/12/2018 03:00

Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was faking a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 853

You deserved it 330

By bw9669 - 28/01/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 667

You deserved it 5 085

By Ilovelife07 - 07/07/2019 02:00

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 435

You deserved it 164

By f03_f0r_l1f3 - 26/06/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 149

You deserved it 65 640

By a cat named tiddles - 30/03/2017 00:00

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put it outside. Unhappy with the situation, it leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 332

You deserved it 726

By well okay then - 20/05/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 216

You deserved it 4 657

By anon - 11/10/2011 11:52 - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 386

You deserved it 3 955

Lies

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of Santa is to a coworker, and how every parent should tell their kids the truthLies. The intercom microphone was on. I single-handedly told a group of 100 six year-olds that Santa isn't real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 755

You deserved it 72 657

By Username - 03/03/2010 16:34 - France

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 054

You deserved it 25 147

By Lonely, I am so lonely - 12/06/2016 13:41 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 998

You deserved it 881

By ClothMom - 08/12/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 159

You deserved it 3 703

By emilyhendrix0414 - 28/09/2012 10:53 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 335

You deserved it 6 560

Free the Flow!

By Lunar-Spice - 23/10/2019 14:00

Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 155

You deserved it 55 479

By cumbucket cops - 16/03/2014 17:53 - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 479

You deserved it 7 048

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 06:38 - Australia - Boondall

Spicy

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 955

You deserved it 6 184

By fleetingmemories - 29/11/2013 23:55 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 946

You deserved it 4 310

By moron - 28/05/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 715

Phished

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 627

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 25 April 2020 17:55

"They" often change things up to keep "us" off balance. "They" say "absence makes the heart grow fonder," then "they" turn around and say, "Out of sight, out of mind." What does that mean for "us?"

Send a private message

Saturday 25 April 2020 15:57

Then one more bad thing has yet to happen, to finish the second set of 3. WATCH OUT FOR FALLING PIANOS!!!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 25 April 2020 8:12

You know what they say, "Bad things happen in fives." I'm sorry for your loss of your grandpa and your four hubcaps. I had nothing to do with either.

mariepastyglue 30

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Saturday 25 April 2020 14:11

That's not what "they" say it's actually bad things happen in 3's not 5's.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 April 2020 15:57

Then one more bad thing has yet to happen, to finish the second set of 3. WATCH OUT FOR FALLING PIANOS!!!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 25 April 2020 17:55

"They" often change things up to keep "us" off balance. "They" say "absence makes the heart grow fonder," then "they" turn around and say, "Out of sight, out of mind." What does that mean for "us?"

Send a private message

Saturday 25 April 2020 18:46

Hubcaps aren't really required are they? So you can still drive.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 25 April 2020 19:22

They are required unless you want to look like a broke-ass... Sorry, I've been binge-watching "The Wire" and the lingo has been creeping into my brain.

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Sunday 26 April 2020 6:55

It still drives, right? Nothing else matters.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 114

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 789