Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
milenavessylo 0
ydi for being retarded
Emwo 0
You should';ve closed the door or locked it at least. now she cant complain when shes older that she saw you two doing stuff, she was doing stuff to furniture. >.>
FmlFtwAndISFU 0
Um how bout locking the door next time, or make sure the kids out of the house next time, that kinda stuff can scar a kid for life..... FOR LIFE...
shmaller 0
Are you insane? Why would you not lock your door if you're: 1) Having sex 2) Having sex with children in the house 3) Having sex with people expected to show up You totally, utterly deserved this one.
Noodlz4 0
just think of how she'll remember it 10 years from now and realize what actually happened
GiannaxRevenge 0
YDI for ******* during the day, idiot. XD
versammlung 0
Why were you having sex when you were expecting guests in three hours? Also, a lock on your door might be a good investment. ;)
Luneth101 0
You should have locked your door. Btw, #7, the kid's 6 years old you pervert!
jazmino15 0
serously lock the door , and if you dont have on , get one its not hard. And try to wait till your kids are asleep if at all possible , no kid should have to witness that.
lastminuteperm 0
ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME? YOU LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN OR UNLOCKED? AND IT WAS PROBABLY IN THE DAY TIME KNOWING SHE WAS AWAKE AND YOU HAD GUESTS COMING OVER. YOU SUCK. I HOPE YOU GET THAT CHILD TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU BITCH.