Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (205)
tiedyejedi 0
What's funnier than the FML is all the idiotic responses in this thread. First of all, just about everyone I know has walked in on their parents having sex at some point or another in their life - most when they were young. None are messed up as a result. It's all up to the parents to explain to the kid what they saw. It's also not uncommon for a kid that young to be starting an exploration phase with her body, which may be why she's humping things and not stopping. It's also up to the parents to explain to her that those things are private and not to be done in front of people. As for the ones saying punishment is in order - you must be insane and I hope you don't have children.
Jeanni_Nicole 0
AHAHAHAHAH...that sucks hardcore and HAHA tp #21
hcolovex0x 0
wow that sucks FYL. but, i also think you kind of deserved it for not locking the door..
Get_Naykid 0
beat that kid
RefriedJesus 0
OMG hahahaha I laughed so hard I teared up! hahaha omg I havn't done that in a while!
PrettyVal 0
#124 - I hope you never have kids because that is just not right
Emma_91 0
People seriously need to stop freaking out. She's not going to be traumatized, the OP is not a bad parent. Simply explain to her that what she's doing is not OK in company. It's not really that big a deal. Like someone said, people are way too sensitive about sex. The kid isn't so stupid she can't understand logic. Just talk to her.
YungMarlon23 0
Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! I busted out laughing when i read "pretending to be daddy against items"! ahahahah!
PaytonStray 0
#18, HELL YEAH! God it's nice to see your comment. I was explaining the same thing to my boyfriend on the phone earlier tonight.
DarkMirror 0
"Do something! She's all over the furniture!" "And she's enjoying it more than I did..."