Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML
Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML
Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
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Top comments
DoctorPALO 14
Just how old ARE you people?
TomeDr 25
Umm.. that’s assault. Did your boyfriend do anything about this idiot friend? Yell at him or toss him out?
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Comments (7)
Plop 17
That sounds like a stupid reason. Are you sure he wasn't just pulling your leg?
TomeDr 25
Umm.. that’s assault. Did your boyfriend do anything about this idiot friend? Yell at him or toss him out?
RichardPencil 32
You think that's assault?! Have you seen the sodium contest of McDonald's menu? That's a lot assault!
RichardPencil 32
And just when you were about to get the Big Mac! Actually, I don't know how your boyfriend is endowed. Maybe you were denied the McNugget?
Plop 17
Well, if she's lucky, he might have given her the Big N' Tasty.
Marcella1016 32
After he samples her Filet o Fish?
RichardPencil 32
Da-da, da-da-da -- I'm lovin' it!
DoctorPALO 14
Just how old ARE you people?
sch00ln3rd 11
My first thought too!
jkjorn 18
Being ****-blocked by Ronald McDonald is a new low, I must say. You deserve a break today!
Hangryko 32
I hope your boyfriend kicked him out for assaulting you.
OnReceivingEnd 18
OP: "....and that's when I crushed his skull, Your Honor."