Love and Transportation: Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating...

By FuckedByLife - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

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Love

Transportation

Who's a good boy?

Long story short

Delayed proposal

By stankness - United States

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

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By ENDmySUFFERING - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

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By cookiemonster - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

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By Broke - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

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By 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

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By SisterOfTard - United States - Florence

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

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By father of the year - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

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By blocked_by_fire - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

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By No O-face - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

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By DrtySnchez - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

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By black and yellow - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

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By clashgurl8449

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

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By lovehurts - United States - Wayne

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

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By AGluckily - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

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By notateen - United States

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

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By Gas-pingForAir - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

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By master baiter - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

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By kbartlett86 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

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By V.. - 8/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Bored

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

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By tuppu - Finland

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

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By rubber_duckie177 - United States

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

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By tumblrinas_at_work - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

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By Username

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

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By I weep for our future generation

Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

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By textraped - United States

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

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By dirk855 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

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By Sammijane58

Today, I watched my best friend get married. I then watched her completely ignore my maid of honor speech, because she was messing with the lights behind us. FML

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By mylifesucks - United States

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

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By Recovering Alcoholic - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

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By elow72 - United States - Nashua

Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML

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Top comments

By cowduck7 | 11

#7409187 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:06

That shit is crazy

By AirBusDriver | 23

#7409188 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:07

Must be a small town?

COMMENTS

By cowduck7 | 11

#7409187 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:06

That shit is crazy

bigred121970 | 10

#7410093 - Tuesday 14 February 2017 10:23

I'm new to this. I accidentally flagged on Of your comments. Sorry. I did let FML Know.

By AirBusDriver | 23

#7409188 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:07

Must be a small town?

By _parth | 20

#7409189 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:14

He can pick both of y'all up!!

By Monday_funday | 25

#7409210 - Sunday 12 February 2017 20:32

Wow that's so shitty luck OP.
Your ex is an asshat

By RichardPencil | 29

#7409221 - Sunday 12 February 2017 21:00

Did you get rear-ended or T-boned?

What happened in the crash?

By toxicLover28 | 19

#7409273 - Sunday 12 February 2017 22:20

1 vagina wasn't good enough for him?

scyth3s | 13

#7409831 - Monday 13 February 2017 22:12

Not enough for most men, biologically speaking. expecting a lifetime of sexual exclusivity is silly imo, and I don't know why people do it.

By pjsr | 32

#7409282 - Sunday 12 February 2017 22:35

Her post: Today, I ran into my boyfriend's girlfriend. Literally.

aredvulpix | 23

#7409579 - Monday 13 February 2017 12:37

To be fair, her car also got crashed

By katluvr | 22

#7409364 - Monday 13 February 2017 1:08

Did she know about you? Did she crash into your car on purpose, or was this a really freaky occurrence?

By nonsensical | 26

#7409397 - Monday 13 February 2017 2:27

What I'm wondering is did you tell him about the accident and asked if he could pick you up too?

By Hippo_Holiday | 19

#7409443 - Monday 13 February 2017 5:44

It was a sign