Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML
Today, it was my first day at Military School. Our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood, which the commander wasted no time in addressing in front of the rest of the room. FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML
Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
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Top comments
teddy4nyy 13
That's sounds like a pain in the ass.
Posthuman 26
Give it to the drill sergeant. They have that name for a reason you know.
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Comments (95)
taylorjsmith 6
You shouldn't be allowed Internet access today to boot camp
seacadet 18
Was it green? Oh , we'll the Military will give you the green weenie anyway.
BrandenUndead 5
If your in basic, how the Hell are you posting this?
kallima_fml 3
Maybe your friends were the ones who mailed the ***** to the girl in the other FML, realized their mistake, and sent one to you after realizing!
cmoney1992 9
Better not drop the soap in the shower after that little stunt...
Brak_Spaceman 19
that was kind of them to forward it on to you.
Sal_G_63 5
Bet sarge drilled you hard with that one
dangousity 21
How do you fml in basic training? They really making it hardcore these days....
poptart0351 4
How did you get Internet access in boot camp? The military sure is changing. When I went through....we wrote letters....the kind with stamps and shit.
bandeek 30
That's probably still true. This was probably written after he got out. When my ex was in basic last year we had to write letters.
sameboysamesame 11
I guess the ***** is "in the army now".....