Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML
Today, it was my first day at Military School. Our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood, which the commander wasted no time in addressing in front of the rest of the room. FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML
Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
teddy4nyy 13
That's sounds like a pain in the ass.
Posthuman 26
Give it to the drill sergeant. They have that name for a reason you know.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
TisAPenguin 16
Funny, but your friends are unoriginal lol
justmeCee 16
Hahaha! Your friends sound hilarious Op. Hopefully you can plot an equally funny prank to do back to them! Good luck in the basic training. :)
tbenson0628 14
Bwa hahhaa! Just drop private! Bwahhaaaa! Awesome. I would've laughed my butt while doing push ups..
CorpsmanUp88 21
how the hell are you making an fml at basic. I had to send all my shit home including my phone. hooyah. USN
JoseIsAdork 31
this is my riffle this is my gun, this is for fighting, the other is defiantly not going to be fun!!!
daddywarcrimes0 4
Wow you get phones in boot camps now? No wonder most of the privates coming out can not pass apft or height and weight.
theboy13 13
You have internet in boot? Lucky
EvilLittleMan 23
Sarge, it's a mortar in disguise. I promise.
FlyingPie 17
Sounds like a nice "package".
FelKysier 7
To everyone asking, I'm guessing this happened a while ago. you turn in phones when u start training. No internet, no phones, no outside access other than occasional R&R weekends to nearby town.
ksks1234 33
R&R weekends?! You shouldn't even have that. I had no idea what was going on in the outside world during boot. Isn't that kind of the point?