Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML
Today, it was my first day at Military School. Our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood, which the commander wasted no time in addressing in front of the rest of the room. FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML
Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
teddy4nyy 13
That's sounds like a pain in the ass.
Posthuman 26
Give it to the drill sergeant. They have that name for a reason you know.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
Wow things have change from when I went
soapmactavish82 8
I'm really sorry for the amount of push ups you have to do for that joke but don't worry to much skeeter-wing you will pull through
Rainbow_sparkles 7
don't ask͵ don't tell
cylus13 9
I call bull shit on this post. One you do not have time in basic to play on the net let a loan have access to the net.
Welshite 39
Not every FML published happened today or even yesterday. Some can be years old, but they all are required to begin with "today".
GoodLookingGeese 10
Stupid joke, kick their silly asses when u get back...
bigheadco07 7
I bet they knew you had to open mail in front of everyone. They just wanted to embarrass you.
sirjuice35 11
trolled! lol
LissaMccracken 23
Just try to pass it off as a back massager!!!!
BrianaKoala 7
What was their reaction?? :o
rikai 11
I call fake. I just went through basic September of 2011. You get one phone call before you start, one a week before graduation. unless you snuck your phone in. if you did, they better recycle your dumb ass.
Welshite 39
See my above comment. That is all.