Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML
Today, it was my first day at Military School. Our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood, which the commander wasted no time in addressing in front of the rest of the room. FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML
Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
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Top comments
teddy4nyy 13
That's sounds like a pain in the ass.
Posthuman 26
Give it to the drill sergeant. They have that name for a reason you know.
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Comments (95)
olpally 32
Your friends are funny... Lol. What did your drill sergeant say??
DJisHere11 19
#14 are you a Peter Puffer, Do you suck dick? Op's response: Sir no sir Full Metal Jacket reference because I had too.
chris4u2nv5 19
With friends like that, who needs enemies? Bahahaha!
NaN101 27
This.
FlyingPie 17
What about this?
DriggyDriggs 4
How and why the hell were you allowed Internet access if you're in basic training?! I barely got a pay phone call!
yankeesfancg 13
He wasn't allowed Internet access he got a package from friends back home
sematariux 7
16, the ARMY is civilian ran now when it comes to basic training, it was in the middle of being taken over when I went through Fort Knox in 08/09. The troops now get to keep their cell phones, etc. plus if he's a POG, they've always had access to daily passes and Internet, and all that fun shit. Whereas us combat MOS' (19D here), didn't get shit thru my whole OSUT training -_____-
lexielou07 18
@24- OP had to have had Internet access to post this FML.
Calingaladha 21
It's possible this was posted after the fact, once he got access. We didn't have any net access in basic training...
yankeesfancg 13
Sorry duh I just realized. Sorry my mistake
illmatic2 16
In Marine Corps recruit training we couldn't even make a phone call.
Memen88 16
Bet your DI's loved you
yankeesfancg 13
I remember stuff like this, my friends asked for all my drill sgts. names and then sent me a letter and on the envelope it said how hot a drill sgt was or how much of a bitch they sounded like, the drill sgts. were cool about it they knew my friends were ******* with me but I still did a ton of push-ups
singer0421 32
True friends: embarrassing you in front of military officers
TheLittleBear 19
Another FML about a ***** in the mail! What the hell is going on here?!
awkward_panda 8
lol atleast it didn't happen to my friend he just got out of basic. but I feel bad for you because they might never let that moment go
abhi95 31
Are you required to explain what it's for too?
nifterific 3
They let kids have Internet access in basic now? Even with your new ***** your anus is safer than mine was in basic!