Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard at work that I farted. In the silence in our open space office that followed, my boss looked over, smiled, and said, "Bless you?" The people in the office who weren't wearing headphones burst out laughing, then those people noticed the laughter, took their headphones off, and my boss then had to explain to them why they were laughing. FML
Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML
Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
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Top comments
FreakAZoidd 3
What does "blow off" mean in America? Sorry I've never heard that saying.
jerome1995 4
Damn yanks! Taking our jobs!
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Comments (172)
jerome1995 4
Damn yanks! Taking our jobs!
TransitionCovert 6
The term Foreign Talent would be more polite.
HowAreYouToday 34
Polite?! Who gives a *beep* about being polite?!?! Being polite is a load of *beepbeepbeep*
fanceh 10
"Today, my coworker went on a long rant and said he is going to kill everybody by farting. FML."
Jovecove 13
Awesome, stinkbombs!
enonymous 9
You must have been gutted, I'd been full of beans but you got to keep your pecker up.
flockz 20
dont use such vile and disturbing language 6.
nero9112 4
Why did number 6 get so many thumbs down? I guess people in this site don't understand British humour.
Iskaria 0
I think the 'blowing off' thing may be more area specific as opposed to British in general... There you all go, tarring all Brits with the same brush as usual... 'Oh I love the British accent' ... foreigners ;)
Stonedmanalex 0
what are you talking about 55 i see u everyday at work in burger king
Keyman1212 14
You know, there is a lot of animosity I feel, from the British people towards Americans, not necessarily from #1's comment, but in general. I'm not sure why y'all don't like us Americans.
enonymous 9
Keyman we used the French to beat them over 200 years ago... Yeah you heard me right the french... They've never got over it
a_nutritionist 10
@61 particularly loud rants from migrants about blowing off and killing someone is a fair indicator of why british people dont like americans.
HowAreYouToday 34
British humor? I'm Russian... Lol
cc_the_beast 6
In Aus 'blow off' could be taken as standing someone up, or sucking them off. Be glad you didn't say it here.
koolkat27 13
89- how do you know op was American? it just said that he moved to England, he never said where from. And by the way, no one likes America because they're jealous;)
cBlackout 13
No one likes America ? And if people don't like America why like the UK?
zombicidal 11
where I'm from (rural Illinois) blow off is when you ditch or avoid someone
scrapmetal58 9
94 - Same as in Canada. I'm assuming OP meant it as being angry or something of that matter. Either way, OP acted very immaturely.
extrovertical 0
Who the hell says "blow off" in that context in the US?
anencephalic 14
61 - to be fair, nobody likes America but Americans, you just never notice it.
holeyman 8
Don't even get me started about the wetbacks stealing jobs in California........
bfsd42 20
I'm Irish, living in America and have seen and experienced both sides. I have to say that America brings the animosity upon itself. And living here, I sometimes have to stop myself from telling people to take their heads out of their ass. If Americans could admit that they are no better than anyone else, then the world would like them much much more. Alas, I don't think they can. :(
cBlackout 13
123, I can admit that other countries have better features than the US , like the dutch who graduate high school knowing what, 4 languages, and smoke pot. Us americans generally only know one or two. Anti-nationalism is stupid.
gojira666 7
Shut up 121.
a_nutritionist 10
@96 nevermind sherlock, you cant win them all can you?
Keyman1212 14
I don't mean this in a rude way, well **** it I do... But if you don't like America, DON'T listen to our music, DON'T watch out TV shows, DON'T watch our movies, DON'T follow our celebrities, DON'T drive our cars, DON'T eat our food ect. Hell, all the things Americans invented? Don't ******* touch them. Get off the damn Internet because that was created at Stamford and UCLA... In America. Stop watching TV... Because that was invented in America. Turn your lights off... Because that was invented in America. Shit, I could go on and on and on with this list. Don't play the two-sided coin, the one side hating America, and Americans, and the other side, enjoying EVERYTHING that this country has done for the world.
christophskieXD 0
Why have a go about people using the shit you invented when their would be no america without other countries
DerpyHooves 0
Haha, means the same in America.
DerpyHooves 0
Why stop yourself? Just say it. I often say it and I was born and raised here. The large majority of people here are assholes.
a_nutritionist 10
@136 all i can say to that is LOL. youve got no idea how the world works do you?
KennKenn 0
136- Actually, CERN invented the internet, and it's not an American company.
Keyman1212 14
ACTUALLY 152, CERN did not 'invent' the Internet, the Internet was created when ARPANET was set up between UCLA and Stamford University, and they attempted to send the message login, and it crashed at the G. Those are universities in the United States. And as for you, 151, do elaborate on how the world works please? I didn't know that there was an answer to that. Might I remind you that in the late 1700's, we beat your ******* asses, in a war where we were greatly out gunned, greatly out manned, and greatly lacking in funds. Sucks to suck, but feel free to take your entitlement elsewhere ass-clown.
funnyfiona 0
You know what sucks. I moved from England to Australia when I was six and now unless I move back very soon I'm stuck with a horrible accent that I'll never get rid of. On the plus side I know a bit of cockney and pronounce things differently so no- one knows what I'm even talking about. Ps Australians stole all their pronunciations from USA!
a_nutritionist 10
might i remind you that australia wasnt founded until 1770, so not only would i not expect a recently colonised country to stand any ground in a war, but there wasnt one we were involved in to my knowledge. that aside, all australians come from diverse backgrounds, so to assume the british are the homeland of all descendants is ******* stupid. now feel free to stop pretending the wars won by some bunch of idiots in any way determines the quality of a country, cos im sorry but most people outgrow the pissing contest bullshit at some time in their lives, apparently some later than others.
a_nutritionist 10
@157 i do so despise the attachment some idiots have to a homeland that they have no connection to. you moved here when you were 6, you have no concept of living outside of this country and therefore havent the knowledge to claim one is better than the other. im aware australia has many flaws, but im not going around claiming my background is better just because i live in a fantasy world. feel free to have a preference for another country when youve lived there, but even that isnt a justification for fact.
Blueglasscup 18
America's amazing and I thank it for the many inventions that I use everyday. But seriously, that self righteous, "i don't know why you have a problem with us" attitude is probably the main reason why people don't like Americans.
cloth101 5
Just to point out that even the Internet and the lightbulb were invented IN America, they are actually created by Englishmen. Just saying.
cloth101 5
*even if - sorry
WooHooBar 10
Because you think the world revolves around you and your holidays. I don't care if you managed to get a holiday for ******* your neighbour.
fthislyfe 22
So you wanted to fart and kill someone?
Lanceeden 12
Wait. What the hell does blow off mean in America then?
CryMoreFMLs 15
I can. Eggs, roast beef and oatmeal. Silent, deadly, and frequent.
RedPillSucks 33
broccoli
DoubleDose 0
it was a premeditated fart and run. that's looking at about 26 to life in jail.
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
Where the **** are you in Britain I have never heard anyone say that here.
Falassalond 16
This FML made me laugh so hard!!!!!
CryMoreFMLs 15
Your picture made me want to hate cats.
False_Stupidity 42
This FML made me fart...
Dark__Angel66 24
This is too funny XD "I'm about to fart and kill someone!" Yes, those silent and deadly farts can definitely do the job....
natsaywhat 0
why would you EVER say you want to kill someone?!
Freeze_fml 17
I can list thousands of reasons.
creepycrawler 0
And why would he say that at his work place...?
kellykerplunkksl 0
I can list thousands of reasons
Stonedmanalex 0
go ahead and list some
bioboy725 10
1. psychological problems 2. person sleeping with your significant other 3. that person just really pisses you off 4. self defense 5. for the sake of comedy 6. someone is trying to fart and kill you 7. REVENGE!
MrsDruidess 23
who says blow off? I heard blow up and I'm about to blow or hell even blow chunks but I have never heard blow off at all let alone as a replacement for blow up
MrsDruidess 23
and as soon as that posted I realized I forgot blow someone off but that's not applicable
FreakAZoidd 3
What does "blow off" mean in America? Sorry I've never heard that saying.
Penguin_swc 0
Agreed. He would be equally incomprehensible no matter where he goes.
Freeze_fml 17
To ignore. There's also the alternate definition.
Penguin_swc 0
If he did mean "I'm going to ignore someone and kill them" then I still stand by my 'incomprehensible' comment.
TheMikeyT 3
Blow off means "********" in America. OP is gay.
DerpyHooves 0
I'm American, but I don't know what that means. Blow off does mean ignore, but they're using it in a context I've never seen. It might be a regional thing (in America).
Shikamaru_fml 11
to the British "blow off" means "fart." Really never heard of that before
monnanon 14
Born and raised in the Uk and have never ever heard the phrase blow off. Ever!! When we mean fart we say fart.
monnanon 14
maybe its a regional thing because ive never heard it where I am from (scotland) not from anyone. Im not saying its not used because obviously it is but its probably not a whole UK thing.
YtotsDI 0
i can say something to that... but i dont wanna get modded :(
atarisrocks 6
It mainly used by kids under the age of 8
Kinder93_fml 3
I'm British too and I've never heard it, but yeah seems like a regional thing to me.. I always thought "blow off" meant to ignore. Whatever, in OP's situation it was pretty funny.
monnanon 14
Yeah i agree, social faux pas are always funny :)
Enslaved 38
I've heard of "blowing off" work/ a person etc... Which means to avoid something/someone. But blowing someone off can sounds a little on the kinky side too.:P
cBlackout 13
I'm gonna have to agree with the regional theory.. Like in America the word 'dude' seems to be more a west coast thing.
divine69 0
I can't think of anything funny to counter this FML and feel popular :(
perdix 31
See what you started, Kicky! I hope you're happy. divine, don't think you can copy ikickgingers "I got nothing" motif and start racking up massive thumbs. She can do it because she's special. As in Olympics ;)
divine69 0
Sorry I'm still learning
False_Stupidity 42
Maybe gingers can take you under her wing as an apprentice.
perdix 31
When you get angry, you should go outside and smoke a fag. Here in the States, that would mean "to fellate a homosexual man," so I am assuming it means something different in the UK. If not, I'll have to learn to control my temper before I visit England.
YtotsDI 0
in canada it means to smoke a joint. i AM canadian so i know. :P
zfrt 3
No, I'm pretty sure in Canada we just say "I'm gonna smoke a joint". It doesn't matter who hears, because here on the West Coast (BC) the ***** practically legal!
rattusrattus 19
In the UK, we also eat faggots* and they're delicious. We also burn them.** *******: a ball of pork offal. ** ****** can also mean bundle of sticks used for kindling. Or you gave your pork offal ball to a terrible cook, FYL.
Sonic_boomerang 5
Ya here in Ontario it's smoke a joint, never heard of someone saying let's smoke a fag while referring to a joint
Cazzybum 11
A joint is a rolled cigarette of cannabis.
CassieStrawbs 7
I don't think I've ever heard anyone call a joint a fag here in Canada eh.