Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard at work that I farted. In the silence in our open space office that followed, my boss looked over, smiled, and said, "Bless you?" The people in the office who weren't wearing headphones burst out laughing, then those people noticed the laughter, took their headphones off, and my boss then had to explain to them why they were laughing. FML
Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML
Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
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Top comments
FreakAZoidd 3
What does "blow off" mean in America? Sorry I've never heard that saying.
jerome1995 4
Damn yanks! Taking our jobs!
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Comments (172)
Cappiej 18
That just blows.
hannahcorrine 0
Ahhahaa sorry op. That sucks
Cappiej 18
Yes it does
RedPillSucks 33
Damn it, does it blow, or suck? Inquiring minds want to know!!!
disney_blonde 16
Shouldn't really be saying you're gonna kill someone at work anyway, even if you're not serious.
sumomatt_11 0
You deserve it for being a moron an using the phrase "I'm about to blow offl wtf does that even means doesn't make sense. Learn how to speak, def don't have kids
YtotsDI 0
deadly farts....?
ed1970 6
You have only been there two months and are already that frustrated? Good luck with that.
kitties_fml 12
That doesn't even make sense in American English. It sounds like you meant "blow up." Anyway, you're dumb.
scottgeo 0
Thats the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
jhsmith22 0
In America it means you want to suck a dick and kill someone......so either way in the UK or America you sound like a complete doosh....Congratulations!
docscientist 10
Yeah, except it doesn't mean that at all in America.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Wtf is a doosh?
LilliPage 17
I'm from America, and I have never used/heard someone use "blow off" when referring to sucking someones dick. I have only ever heard it in reference to standing someone up.
docscientist 10
Downvoted despite being correct. It doesn't mean sucking dick at all in America.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
I cannot stop laughing uncontrollably at how funny this story is! xDDDD;;;