Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and... - FML

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62968

You deserved it

5929

Tweet

Share

BO Central

#1 Dad of the day

My ex the dumbass

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Family matters

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

841

You deserved it

83

Tweet

Share

By jake - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20299

You deserved it

63168

Tweet

Share

By brsoxgirl - United States

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33698

You deserved it

5849

Tweet

Share

By sacked - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15297

You deserved it

23892

Tweet

Share

By MySummerinEurope - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10503

You deserved it

29678

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30546

You deserved it

2552

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28805

You deserved it

4980

Tweet

Share

By fmeplease - United Kingdom

Time to pretend

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76089

You deserved it

12693

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41225

You deserved it

3021

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31650

You deserved it

2326

Tweet

Share

By city_girl - United States

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32952

You deserved it

2528

Tweet

Share

By sleepless

Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By Tressa95 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4559

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By adderallgirl - United States

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68822

You deserved it

5309

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, I received a birthday card from my dad, over a week late. It was addressed to me using my maiden name, the enclosed check also made out to me using my maiden name. I've been married for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15122

You deserved it

1538

Tweet

Share

By stachattack

Today, I reassured everyone at work that the mark on my lip was just a pimple, not a cold sore. It's actually neither. I, a 21-year-old young woman, slipped while shaving my moustache and sliced off part of my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3832

You deserved it

603

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30184

You deserved it

4616

Tweet

Share

By Jill - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53249

You deserved it

22654

Tweet

Share

By peeepeee. - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45291

You deserved it

4388

Tweet

Share

By CollegeKid - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26153

You deserved it

2327

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24987

You deserved it

2656

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 02:02

Emergency haircut

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2079

You deserved it

268

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40311

You deserved it

5022

Tweet

Share

By Butch - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13191

You deserved it

1125

Tweet

Share

By dooommage - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28023

You deserved it

14942

Tweet

Share

By waxinghorror - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

61467

You deserved it

9203

Tweet

Share

By prisym

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3301

You deserved it

753

Tweet

Share

By G - United States

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16708

You deserved it

44965

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30904

You deserved it

3166

Tweet

Share

By blondie101 - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13889

You deserved it

98901

Tweet

Share

By terdberglerforlyfe - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42703

You deserved it

4363

Tweet

Share

By Twysted91 - United States - Milford

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38807

You deserved it

3183

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56801

You deserved it

14755

Tweet

Share

By stressedoutsquaddie - United Kingdom - York

Today, while away on training with the army, my housemates rang me to tell me some news. They had found a perfect house for next year and they had put an offer on it. The only problem? There are 5 of us and the house is for 4. Guess who hasn't been included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19623

You deserved it

1286

Tweet

Share

By Krissy. - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75610

You deserved it

4964

Tweet

Share

By Alicia - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32196

You deserved it

6271

Tweet

Share

By reality_stricken - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36339

You deserved it

8119

Tweet

Share

By ScaredDad

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1776

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62668

You deserved it

4741

Tweet

Share

By NJ <3 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26144

You deserved it

3666

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By dreamingloser | 0

#272540 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:24

hahahaha this guy is laughing at you because he has bigger tits than you? ha that's funny. You should have laughed and said, "yeah chubby, you do", pat his stomach and say "when are you do?" unless he's not that fat..

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#272533 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:24

I personally LOVE small tits and so do alot of guys so dont feel bad about it

COMMENTS

By Curtieeeez | 0

#272510 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:21

Unlucky XD

Reply

OffTJHook3r | 2

#3019778 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:50

I'll be the judge of that O.o

Reply

OffTJHook3r | 2

#3019795 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:52

Today I won 1st and 3rd in a wet shirt contest.

By volleyballluver | 0

#272518 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:22

hahaha

By newbieattech | 0

#272519 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:22

THIRD!!!!!!! anyway, that really sucks. as a D cup i would gladly give you the extra!

By CassT | 0

#272523 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:22

FHL, not FYL.
YDI for thinking he was going to hit on you.

Reply

ffmmllyaya | 0

#975366 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 1:03

why? what else do u expect when an opposite sex checks you out n sit next to you in a bar?

Reply

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#1492973 - Sunday 3 October 2010 21:18

fhl. today I was in a bar and realized that I'm such a fat lard that I bigger moobs than most girls. fml

By gcendana | 0

#272526 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:23

FYL indeed. bahah
you should get fatter then!

Reply

SupKev | 0

#1822326 - Friday 10 December 2010 9:33

your stupid

Reply

LolAtYourFail | 12

#4201436 - Thursday 22 March 2012 20:43

*facepalm* the irony.

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#272533 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:24

I personally LOVE small tits and so do alot of guys so dont feel bad about it

Reply

dandancc | 13

#879876 - Sunday 21 February 2010 21:33

Yeah, listen to him. I love small tits too. He is just a fat kid trying to be funny to fit in, but in the end all his "friends" just think of how pathetic he is and don't really care for his friendship probably.

I bet he was just feeling bad because would never be able to kiss a girl like you.

Reply

Jazze_fml | 10

#2794442 - Friday 1 July 2011 1:17

oh yeah let's go with that asumption.
i mean who could possibly like a fat person. obviously his friends must secretly hate him since he's fat... you honestly sound like one of the biggest douches ever.

Reply

Ririshi | 0

#4513798 - Sunday 3 June 2012 0:34

Totally agreed. I like small tits, too. Not that I want to say you DO have small tits..

Reply

sulitak | 27

#5531189 - Wednesday 12 June 2013 11:09

yup, guys like girls on both ends of the spectrum.
dude was being an ass.

By dreamingloser | 0

#272540 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:24

hahahaha this guy is laughing at you because he has bigger tits than you? ha that's funny. You should have laughed and said, "yeah chubby, you do", pat his stomach and say "when are you do?" unless he's not that fat..

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#974092 - Sunday 4 April 2010 23:09

WIN.

Reply

OffTJHook3r | 2

#3019804 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:54

fail

Reply

KMtheDrummer | 6

#5018590 - Monday 8 October 2012 18:30

*due

Reply

patriotsfan12 | 4

#5260934 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 6:20

I hate people who correct what r u an English teacher!!!!

By yahoo4u | 0

#272541 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:24

ewwww. fat men. with breasts. fyl for having to see that.

By JStromberg | 0

#272560 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:26

FHl.

By ithedarkknight | 0

#272565 - Saturday 6 June 2009 1:27

lmfao hahaha dang u got played by a fat guy!!! he certainly gets some cool points i know he hurted your feeling or u wouldnt be like FML LOL