Intimacy: Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house...

By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 348

You deserved it 3 069

Intimacy

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 356

You deserved it 1 711

When nature calls

By ClaraB - 11/10/2021 23:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in a bathroom stall. Someone’s little brat had to come in and peek under the stall. She yelled, "Mommy there are two naked people in here!" Her mother bitched us out for, “ruining her daughter’s innocence." The cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 5 824

Caught

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 16:30 - Reserved

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 585

You deserved it 3 404

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 17:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 628

You deserved it 3 601

Work sucks

By Anonymous - 08/07/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 392

You deserved it 2 644

Glued

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 19:58

Today, as a police officer, I was sent to deal with an indecent exposure. It was two homeless people who'd both passed out on drugs in the middle of sex. I had to wake them up, then help prise them apart, as his penis was still very visibly inside her exposed for the whole street to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 166

Wanker

By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 217

You deserved it 7 472

By Janer88 - 30/11/2009 05:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 616

You deserved it 3 232

By Obee - 14/04/2009 14:05 - Canada

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 306

You deserved it 27 510

By SebastianMiko - 09/11/2012 07:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 074

You deserved it 2 311

hardcorepunk87 18

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:24

"Put your hands where we can see them!! Wait! No! Put them back! Put them back!"

rainbowsRlove 15

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:21

sir put the weapon down

Comments

DippinGrizzly907 27

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:18

For as long as this FML has been posted and not one person commenting goes to show how this is a true FML. So bad in fact, that people don't even know what to say. And the FML community is one rowdy bunch! May the Almighty One bless your eyes and soul with a bleach bath...

SOILEDIT 51

Wednesday 14 October 2015 12:30

...what?

EvilTurtle 35

Wednesday 14 October 2015 15:02

#1 sounds like a crazy old lady ranting on about religion

derpina72 23

Thursday 15 October 2015 5:51

.....Dude, what?.....

paravoz 30

Thursday 15 October 2015 8:13

Seriously?

stryggzy 15

Thursday 15 October 2015 18:49

Are you high?

mds9986 24

Friday 16 October 2015 17:14

I think he was saying that the FML was posted for a while and nobody commented instantly like they normally do. Thus, all the FML community was too speechless to say anything so it's a "true" FML.

Bryce8 11

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:19

Not the worst thing he could be doing in there but still pretty bad.

rainbowsRlove 15

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:21

sir put the weapon down

Wizardo 33

Wednesday 14 October 2015 13:47

"I'm gonna shoot officer, I'm this close to shooting"

hardcorepunk87 18

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:24

"Put your hands where we can see them!! Wait! No! Put them back! Put them back!"

vikky538 28

Wednesday 14 October 2015 20:29

I laughed more than i should be on this comment

amileah13 26

Wednesday 14 October 2015 11:24

Yuck. Mental image burned in my brain sorry that happened to you op. At least you can share crazy stories of people doing crazy things with other officers and they'll probably relate and tell you something that happened that was even worse than what you've experienced!