Miscellaneous: Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school,...

By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

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37961

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Miscellaneous

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

Time to run

Time's up

By awkword - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44909

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By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55006

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By sally - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56586

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54257

You deserved it

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By Jason

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5114

You deserved it

620

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By gross - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47198

You deserved it

5007

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By noantiquesforme - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30649

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2709

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By "Brittney Anderson"

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2056

You deserved it

120

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By Anonymous - United States - Pennsville

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33350

You deserved it

2562

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By what the fuck, mate - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21357

You deserved it

2547

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Reusel

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21731

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38360

You deserved it

3338

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry it gets better." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39339

You deserved it

2980

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27183

You deserved it

3113

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By Anonymous - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36681

You deserved it

4822

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22697

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4544

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By drycleanplz - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29529

You deserved it

12801

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By whale14

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

You deserved it

207

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By GreenShelves - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20343

You deserved it

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By bready - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10835

You deserved it

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By lizzie1833 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32723

You deserved it

5504

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By escortedout - United States

Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6111

You deserved it

47113

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By Tyguy3000 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2083

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2913

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By Anonymous

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1871

You deserved it

138

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By weeping_angel_ - United States - Cortland

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64871

You deserved it

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By Kamburgler - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36312

You deserved it

5682

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By Nice - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25947

You deserved it

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By ipodless - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32203

You deserved it

4309

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By FalkensLabyrinth - 3/2/2021 19:57 - United States - Gardner

Tact

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

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672

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168

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By heartbroken - Canada - Brantford

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30529

You deserved it

2811

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By I wasn't being clingy geez - United States - Anchorage

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11177

You deserved it

821

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By holliefall - United States

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51404

You deserved it

22697

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By KarlwithaK - United States

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79852

You deserved it

4155

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By xXxJoe16xXx - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50825

You deserved it

8377

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By FreeOfCharge - Canada

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12037

You deserved it

110446

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By Angelofkarma - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

314048

You deserved it

172985

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By lawoman27 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65825

You deserved it

2746

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By Anonymous - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58012

You deserved it

7571

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By Anonymous - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18444

You deserved it

1355

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68425

You deserved it

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Top comments

By fallencastiel | 22

#6085064 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:31

At least you aren't a teacher getting mistaken for a freshman.

By AnOriginalName | 19

#6085067 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:32

With some creativity, you can use that to your advantage. Like using the staff break room, for starters.

COMMENTS

By fallencastiel | 22

#6085064 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:31

At least you aren't a teacher getting mistaken for a freshman.

EmpireCityRay | 13

#6085092 - Thursday 9 October 2014 12:04

That happens to me :( lol

UntoldLife | 18

#6085101 - Thursday 9 October 2014 12:21

Really looks like it #16

MelTheGreat | 23

#6085341 - Thursday 9 October 2014 17:49

That happens to me, too. Plus, I'm only 5' tall.

By purpleturtle16 | 20

#6085066 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:32

Make new friends! Talk to people! Soon everyone will know that you're a student. Good luck OP

orbit | 22

#6085168 - Thursday 9 October 2014 15:04

Or use the situation to your advantage

supernerd95 | 17

#6085329 - Thursday 9 October 2014 17:42

i would really exploit such a situation... a lot.. hahaha

ThongWarrior | 17

#6085335 - Thursday 9 October 2014 17:45

Oh my! I would have never thought of such intelligent out-of-this world solution... Oh my god

By AnOriginalName | 19

#6085067 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:32

With some creativity, you can use that to your advantage. Like using the staff break room, for starters.

purpleturtle16 | 20

#6085069 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:33

I like how your mind works!

supernerd95 | 17

#6085333 - Thursday 9 October 2014 17:43

me too!

AnOriginalName | 19

#6085445 - Thursday 9 October 2014 19:58

Me three!

rosstheboss2000 | 5

#6085539 - Thursday 9 October 2014 22:55

Me four?

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6085790 - Friday 10 October 2014 6:56

Pull a "Catch me if you can" and start teaching class convincing the teacher that they've been replaced lol.

By abattior | 18

#6085068 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:32

I'd troll some people for fun!

By Smiley_70 | 22

#6085070 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Enslaved | 36

#6085139 - Thursday 9 October 2014 13:52

For some reason, I'm picturing the OP carrying a briefcase instead of a book bag. That'll throw a few off.

By MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6085072 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:36

Your name isn't Benjamin Button, is it?

By sydneysays | 15

#6085078 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:44

Take advantage of this

By Headcrab | 29

#6085079 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:44

This could be super useful.

Crossbowe | 13

#6085474 - Thursday 9 October 2014 20:49

Half life FTW

By thefmlman2011 | 35

#6085080 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:46

Congratulations on starting a bew school! You'll fit in in no time.

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6085161 - Thursday 9 October 2014 14:33

I meant new school, not bew. stupid fingers

By Black0111 | 6

#6085083 - Thursday 9 October 2014 11:52

That's a good thing lol. Good luck.