Intimacy: Caught red-knobbed

Caught red-knobbed

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 837

You deserved it 30 767

Fête de la Musique: Notes et Négligences
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 036

You deserved it 45 841

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 982

You deserved it 7 500

Evil plan

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 00:01

Today, I broke my ankle jumping from a second story window. Turns out, the person my girlfriend has saved in her phone as "Mom" is her very jealous and “estranged” husband, who apparently knew about me, and was waiting on the opportunity to catch us. She giggled as I jumped out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 218

You deserved it 4 102

By nitroman64 - 30/07/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 875

You deserved it 28 284

By khaelian - 10/11/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 435

You deserved it 2 769

Quick, hide!

By Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 931

You deserved it 18 641

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 542

You deserved it 5 037

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 13:04 - Malta

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 647

You deserved it 34 720

A touching Christmas tale

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 00:00

Today, I brought my girlfriend back to my place, but my abusive, homeless dad, who I haven’t spoken to in a year, had broken in to have sex with some woman in my front room, before both passing out on heroin. My girlfriend saw my dad's penis and drug stuff, and left me to clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 247

givants 0

Wednesday 27 January 2010 10:40

hey, look T the bright side... you had sex dude, with a princess!!!

perdix 29

Wednesday 27 January 2010 9:51

Did he drive you in a car, or with a golf club? Those SEALs are legendarily tough.

Comments

beer01 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 1:04

Damn! at least he didn't "bang" you with his car while you were trying to get in it.

nikaikilam 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 2:22

you should have known what you were getting yourself into lol

Beast1226 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 3:27

wow fail lol

infiniti_G 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 3:46

YDI FOR HAVING ANCLES

durtysanch 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 3:58

haha awkward much lol. at least u know u got there safe with the militarys top elite soldier. (marines dont compare to SEALs)

bflakes 1

Monday 28 June 2010 15:39

marines rule!!!!!

pwetzel 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 4:25

daddy's little ***** :)

pwetzel 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 4:27

at 29 your a dumb ass -.- seals are the toughest I went through seal training it sucks balls

junebabi39 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 5:22

My dad is a former SEAL as well and you are really lucky you only went to the ER for your ankle.

girlzrule94587 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 5:24

if I was a guy, I woulda headed for the window. also, is ur gonna bang a daughter of a navy seal, I woulda gone somewhere other than her place.

kamakozei5 3

Thursday 28 January 2010 5:31

funny funny funny

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CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FMLMeghan's website : http://www.kawaiinot.com/ & http://www.murphypop.com/ If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. Bu...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 4

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl who often comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out by writing my number on a dollar bill. She paid and the amount her change happened to be a dollar. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 332

You deserved it 18 149

The Top

Today, I was told that school was cancelled for the rest of the year. School is/was my one place of escape, and the only distraction in my life. It's now not going to be an escape until September. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 278

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 751

You deserved it 56 756

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 771

You deserved it 2 795

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 3 724

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 453

You deserved it 42 914

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 625

You deserved it 43 687