Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 10
Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.
folgy 10
i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass
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Comments (143)
olbrocko 0
learn Brazilian jiu jitsu.
Ikura 4
yeah, learn a martial arts system with no strikes, take the person to the ground and pray to the jiu-jitsu gods that a buddy of his doesn't stab you in the back.
TheNewGuy03 28
sorry, #12, but i have to agree with #29...at least partially. yes, most fights go to the ground, but if you take a guy to the ground, you better hope that he either doesn't have a weapon or a buddy waiting to **** you up. there's a lotta guys out there that let their skills get them seriously wounded or killed. guns and knives > strikes and submissions. otherwise, sure, jitz works! |the kid|
lordcaliburx 0
krav maga
Sinkhole 26
I agree with # 29 and 54. I knew someone who tried to fight a robber, he even managed to take robber's gun and emptied it. When he least expected it, one of the robber's buddies came from the back and shot him. So, he ended up dead 'cause he refused to give his cellphone away. In my opinion, it's pretty stupid to risk your life like that.
TheNewGuy03 28
of course, robbers nowadays just shoot you for no reason, even if they already have your shit. that's life for ya. or death, actually... |the kid|
Prankster7o7 5
Krav Maga has strikes as well as grapples, so you're better off using Krav Maga than you are usnig BJJ in a street fight.
counterfit 10
Jiu jitsu is for ********, learn krav maga. *: no, not really
Doyle911 0
Martial Arts are not going to stop a bullet. BANG, you're down and I still get your wallet and watch.
Zebidee 8
#156 is right. We had a political assassination in Australia where the guy was a super high level martial artist. He'd prepared for years for the day he might have to defend himself in a street fight... Some dude just walked up and shot him.
Ikura 4
The grappling in krav maga is limited. The mindset of Krav Maga is to end the fight as quickly as possible without getting tied up. They have moves to counter grabbles, throws, and locks, but in their mind grappling just gives your attacker(s) more time to harm you
capt_awesome1 11
shame dude.
angel55033 12
antagonizing someone mugging you, he could have had a gun for all you know, sorry to hear that
felipe87 2
that is an awesome back piece
AkuskaUK 6
nice tattoo!
intothecrypt 3
Nice panties.
whitedemon_fml 0
ewww! your face xp
Faleni 4
lol ohhh op you made me laugh!! body builder means your strong...doesn't neccesarily mean you know how to fight! fyl I'll give you points for being a smart ass :)
ElectricGhost_fml 5
owwwww sozzy
dezinspaaace 0
lmfao, suckaaaa
lulzaroonie 0
could've been worse! he could've stabbed you or shot you in the face. I'd go with being farted on over that any day
zafuckbat 3
Sorry you got mugged, but the way you got owned was hilarious!
DarkHelmet 10
absolutely!!
iLoveJoseph 0
it's the skill, not the size.
IMveryHUNGRY 3
exactly!....you still talking about the post, right?