Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 10
Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.
folgy 10
i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass
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Comments (143)
xxxJORDYBEARxxx 0
careful what you wish for
coolkid_matt 11
XD
jo929 6
you're lucky he didn't have a gun or some other weapon! try not to be a smart ass if someone is pointing a gun at you...
cavalos94 0
**** that's clever... *like*
sammiller4 3
why would you say I dare you in a situation like that
meezydagreat 0
muscle don't mean shit ydi
FAdEDz 0
hey thanks for the hello kitty wallet!!! ;x
KiwiExchange 16
fail.
Ikura 4
Try learning some self-defense, or instead of running your mouth, punch him in the throat as hard as you can.
muchagente 5
"...and informed me I was being mugged." - i liked that bit.
tona01 16
yeah me too - i am very sorry to inform you sir, that you are about to be mugged by me, and i do hope you know it is nothing personal
Zebidee 8
You are cordially invited to a mugging. Location: Darkened alley Time: 9PM to 9:01 Dress: Smart casual Canapés and ass-whipping to follow. RSVP: RIGHT NOW ************!!!
teh_uber_muffin 3
^ win
lordcaliburx 0
be there or .....no that's it. be there mother ******.
rmg1293 0
I love these people. you guys had me laughing for lik five minute