Health: Captain Badass

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 160

You deserved it 54 028

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 814

You deserved it 43 259

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 439

You deserved it 3 681

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 128

You deserved it 3 639

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 2 898

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 321

You deserved it 3 084

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 231

You deserved it 4 095

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 044

You deserved it 4 041

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 14:34 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 061

You deserved it 3 218

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 07/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 4 593

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 768

You deserved it 13 803

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:09

Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.

folgy 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:08

i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass

Comments

tpike1296 11

Monday 14 February 2011 12:47

Black guys can fight!, Nah I'm just kidding, I ain't racist!

guilio_2008 0

Monday 14 February 2011 12:53

I love when big head body builders get their ass whopped.

three3_fml 2

Monday 14 February 2011 12:53

Can you describe the fart smell in a police lineup ?

lulzaroonie 0

Monday 14 February 2011 13:19

#55 is right. look at Bruce Lee. he wasn't hench but he had so much physical power. muscle built in large quantities is usually for show

fester420 2

Monday 14 February 2011 13:33

body builders are weak. it doesn't matter how big you are, it's how you fight. most body builders don't know how to fight and are less mobile because of all the muscle.

PietyLmfao 0

Monday 14 February 2011 14:13

kayvan 8

Monday 14 February 2011 14:16

Time to learn Kung Fu.

underpaid011 0

Monday 14 February 2011 14:23

you were up against a professional. I can put out a campfire, but I am no fireman. just because you spend far too much time in a gym with a bunch of other men all admiring each others muscles, and staring into floor to ceiling mirrors secretly checking out the new guy does NOT mean you are a street fighter.