Miscellaneous: Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in...

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 347

You deserved it 3 086

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Same thing different taste

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 54 062

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 151

You deserved it 2 649

By Marc - 06/02/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 953

You deserved it 2 193

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 236

You deserved it 60 931

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 956

You deserved it 3 143

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 613

You deserved it 8 219

By anon - 05/04/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 723

You deserved it 764

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 00:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 160

You deserved it 2 643

Hey lady! Chill!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 398

You deserved it 3 040

By notadoorman - 25/07/2014 18:16 - United States - Elmont

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 157

You deserved it 4 041

Dre27 20

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:40

Did his girlfriend dump him for being gay? A man tearing another mans asshole sounds a bit strange.

revan546 24

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:42

I believe that would lead to said tearing of a new asshole

Comments

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:39

That's when you say "it's not my fault you are a loser."

revan546 24

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:42

I believe that would lead to said tearing of a new asshole

Mystery_Unsolved 16

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:32

That's asking for an ass-whooping.

thevelociraptor 31

Saturday 9 August 2014 19:24

Ass tearing**

Dre27 20

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:40

Did his girlfriend dump him for being gay? A man tearing another mans asshole sounds a bit strange.

buster113 15

Saturday 9 August 2014 18:52

She found out about his bank account

Quackadoodledoo 13

Saturday 9 August 2014 19:58

Or his lack of bank account.

sizzlemcfizzle 13

Tuesday 10 May 2016 21:53

He didn't say that he'll tear his current asshole, he said he'd make him a new asshole

RenoTheRhino 30

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:44

Just tell him the guy behind you said it.

JBChristian 47

Saturday 9 August 2014 18:54

More than likely that's the first thing OP said.

Chewiebhz 15

Saturday 9 August 2014 20:30

And if that doesn't work, punch him in the face real hard. Or call the bank security to throw him out?

sweetbliss3 37

Sunday 10 August 2014 12:01

I agree. but the pansy behind him should have just said it out loud. I don't understand the whole "coughing" thing. if you think it, say it; if you can't admit it, keep your mouth shut. regardless, I hope everything got situated.

JMichael 25

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:51

Should of called the police

junkman6 22

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:04

Should have* What exactly would calling a cop solve? Screwing the poor bastard over a little more maybe? Save OP from a little verbal abuse and some shoving? No, the cop wouldn't get there in time to resolve that. Also who has time to sit around and wait 20-30 minutes for a cop to waddle in and spend another hour writing a report?

HersheySquirts 17

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:11

(911) "What is your emergency?" (OP) "Im going to have a new asshole ripped in me, because some guy thinks I called him a loser! (911) "...........ok? An officer will be there shortly. Please stay calm." (911) " I will send paramedics."

SmoothPancakes 10

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:56

Maybe, but shoving someone, especially repeatedly, could be considered assault, depending on where you live. If I was OP and the dude didn't back the **** down and stop shoving me around, yeah, I'd be pressing assault charges. **** him. He may have just gotten shat on by a chick, but I'm not gonna give him a free pass to be a raging ass. He can enjoy his free car ride and complementary stay at the local bed and breakfast.

kinky44 28

Saturday 9 August 2014 19:23

Shoving someone is battery, not assault. Learn this, please.

bobdaguy 2

Saturday 9 August 2014 22:35

Why do so many people say should of? It makes no sense at all.

LexiDaBae 17

Sunday 10 August 2014 15:27

Because using the contraction should've can sound like should of, I guess.

fergnasty 14

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:53

Don't be a pussy and stand up for yourself. If the guy doesn't believe someone else said it and stays aggressive at you, kick his ass! Guy probably got dumped for a reason...

XBurytheCastleX 25

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:53

You should have grabbed the asshole behind you by the shirt and said "it wasn't me it was this mother ******." And push him towards the guy. Well, that's what I would do.

mrwilsong 6

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:08

He has anger problems , that's probably why his girlfriend left him in the first place.

Nilorak 24

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:20

You know him personally?

junkman6 22

Sunday 10 August 2014 0:15

Just get brutally dumped and some little prick yells "loser." Nah that's not anger issues I would, and am willing to bet 3 internets that most people would, want to tear that assholes head off too.