Health: Captain Badass

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 160

You deserved it 54 028

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 814

You deserved it 43 259

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 439

You deserved it 3 681

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 128

You deserved it 3 639

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 2 898

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 321

You deserved it 3 084

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 231

You deserved it 4 095

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 044

You deserved it 4 041

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 14:34 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 061

You deserved it 3 218

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 07/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 4 593

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 768

You deserved it 13 803

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:09

Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.

folgy 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:08

i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass

Comments

WaylonD 4

Monday 14 February 2011 19:01

This FML made me Lmgdmfao!!!!

Calyx_fml 21

Monday 14 February 2011 19:45

Muscle does not equal combat skill. Learn wing chun kung fu.

redneck2599 7

Monday 14 February 2011 19:57

you must not be a very big body builder then you pussy

soonerfan285 0

Monday 14 February 2011 20:20

dont be so cocky

Prankster7o7 5

Monday 14 February 2011 21:34

Haha, just because you're a bodybuilder doesn't mean you can fight.

lpfan9125 0

Monday 14 February 2011 21:48

thats cause you only worked on your glamour muscles......I'm telling you man you have a weak core

TheNewGuy03 28

Monday 14 February 2011 22:11

strength and power are actually two different things. bodybuilders generally concentrate on slow movements to create maximum hypertrophy. powerlifters develop the fast-twitch muscles by doing explosive movements. that's why powerlifters can be successful bodybuilders, but not vice versa. however, i think that both strength and power are important... yeah, something like that. |the kid|

NarwhalLove 0

Monday 14 February 2011 22:21

next time ur walking on a street put the money were they wouldnt look get underwear pockets lol then leave like a dollar and like an old gift card in your wallet so they take it and leave lol