By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
I agree, your life sucks 54 248
You deserved it 6 371

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perdix 29

It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.


FinJage 18
Georgieeporgiee 9

I think we're gonna hear a lot more from this guy on FML! :)


The one-inch wonder is at it again! He must be stopped!

How do so many people justify clicking YDI? What are they thinking? "well next time have a bigger dick, duh."

more like his a one stroke n he blew wen she touched him

34- You're thinking of the two-pump chump, and he hasn't been around in a while.

xxkabammxx 0

Sounds like the evening wasn't the only thing thy was short

tjv3 10

she didn't want no short short man

Haha thts not the only thing that's short(;

106 is right. for example; my patience for repetitive comments.

110- I wish we could co-write comments, my friend.

Haha I don't think the evening was the only short thing! Wink wink! Happy now 110?

1- your my new FML legend, right behind Story.

That would be a strong collaboration indeed. Thanks, that actually means something coming from you, you're well-known and have good taste in music.

I hate when comments get displaced, that just happened to me. But that's an honor, Story, I appreciate it.

My comment would show up right after I post a second one. Let the thumbs down for triple posting begin.

^^^ Dang, I'm getting the love tonight :D Yah, just I get fed up with repeated comments, sometimes it's understandable if it's like 30 comments down and they repeat of it is under #1's thread, but repeating the comment that you're commenting on in an attempt to make a joke just astounds me. Btw 130, idk if I'm a legend, I just comment a lot :P

Bro shoulda shaved the jungle man. You were probably too hairy and she thought there was a teddy bear in your pants. Let the animal loose after the haircut.

JPabla03 0

It does not indicate that his pecker was short. He may have creamed in her hand within 3 seconds.

sounds like shes bustin your balls... oh wait, no, she isnt...

Is it possible to grab something that small!?

well some ladies can't get off with a dude with a small penis so... why should she suffer just to make him happy? altho she could've at least made up some excuse. no need to destroy the man's pride.

perdix 29

It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.

Perdix - boosting the confidence of many, many effed lives since... Whenever you started. Kudos to you sir!

Sweej 1

You only wish that was the same case for you, sir.

perdix 29

Oh, thanks, I consider myself an amateur Encourager, and hope to go pro soon.

It's not the size, but how you use it. What a bitch for not giving you a chance. f her life.

bigguy123456 2

67- but the size has a lot more to do with it..

False, a ****** is 3-4 inches of pleasure areas, most tools should do the trick length wise.

Girth not length. Always insert a couple fingers along with your baloney. You'll either show her a good time or tear her sex trying.

Well yea but if you're not blessed with size you just gotta try a little harder then

browncity23 0

Indeed Perdix... That's what I've told myself everytime thats happened...

I wish I could like this comment more than once

enonymous 8

She also never said which home. She could have needed more pillows and a mattress to brace for such an impact

schaflava 0

That big **** always does the trick. Ripping it and stickin her kidneys.

Tjissie 2

No idea why, but this whole thread reminds me of that PowerThirst section where the guy yells "Bear Blasting!". Don't mind me, I'm just here.

pvtgrey6289 4

"it's not the size if the boat, it's the motion of the ocean...but it's always a plus to have big ass boat."

KatherineAnne 7

Size matters. Whether good or bad is a matter of opinion. Some like small. Or so I've heard.

82- I'm not a lady, but from what I've heard, that's completely false. a guy with a small **** can get a girl off in other ways (some girls say they can't get off by g-spot stimulation anyway) but all the girls I've known who climax during sex say a larger than average **** is important. of course, I have no ******* idea what larger than average is, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say its not 3-4 inches

Richard16 0

cough cough EXTENDS cough cough

herpitydurteedur 0

Yeah. When you read the fine print it basically says that if you stop taking the product that not only will you no longer be as large as you were while taking the product, but you'll also shrink down a little bit.

Richard16 0

i was just giving some ideas. i wouldnt know wat it says because im all good in my part and never have bought anything like that.

87, judging by your profile picture and the advice you just gave, I don't believe that for a second.

Everyone will most likely think I'm lying, but I know a guy that took too many extenze for too long and his dick skin broke like a hot dog in a microwave. I'd stay away from extenze.

guckylynn 19

181, that sounds like an urban legend.

otb113 7

Maybe you just didn't shave? or your dick is the size of a hot wheels car.

Why did you choose a hot wheels car to compare it to?

newjerseyguy 0
ramboman19 8

A Hot-Wheels car, specifically the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile! XD

Rofl all I wanna be Is an Oscar Meyer weiner

davek 36

Did the door hit her ass on the way out?

knight0748 5

Pretend it never happened, suppress it in you memories and hope you don't go psycho one day and scream at your kidnapped victim "Who you calling little ****?!?!"

leadman1989 15

"i'll show you who's little around here" Pulls out junk *kidnap victim starts giggling "take me home please"

idontcare8l 3

Okay if i could ide thumbs up that like 5 times! ^^^^^

That is a disturbing scenario to think of...

have she heard of the little engine that could??well she should of let your little engine in her big tunnel :-)

Wow, I wasn't even aware that he said that. :/

Confront her about it and ask her if she smelled tuna coming from her pants that day :3

katiebearr10 0
bigguy123456 2

Its not rude after what she pulled..

oops_im_fucked 8

No way your 17 and liking justin bieber and Cody Simpson, I think you just added a 1 to Ur age...