Today, I hooked up with a man for the first time since my divorce. The sex was mind-blowing. His pillow talk then began with something like, “A cabal of Hollywood celebrities and political insiders want to rape your children…” I’m so dry now, I think I hit menopause. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML
Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML
Today, I hooked up with a single mother. Amazing sex, but now I can’t sleep because her baby won’t stop fucking crying. FML
Today, my husband’s been dropping hints he wants to open our marriage. When I got home, a couple of his coworkers dropped by "for drinks". They tried to initiate group sex and figured I just needed to be talked into it. I was so mad, I couldn’t throw everyone out fast enough, including him. FML
Today, I had my first sexual encounter/kiss. I’m 37, which I know is a strange age for firsts. After blowing him for a bit, he started to f**k me, then went soft. He called it "whisky dick." Then he was on his phone. It took all of 30 minutes, then I was home again. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, I’ve realized the whole “men are more sexual than women” isn’t true. I have ended up in two long-term relationships with two different men who had zero sex drive, stopped any sort of romantic connection/flirting, and then it felt like I just had a roommate. FML
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Top comments
Iifa 7
It happens. Maybe try women. Or better men. Seems the one you got wasn't suited for you after all.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
This guy's so incel he's still talking shit after getting laid!
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Comments (6)
Iifa 7
It happens. Maybe try women. Or better men. Seems the one you got wasn't suited for you after all.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Who knew George Clooney was really Alex Jones...
Chazzster 32
It just shows that skill at sex is quite different than a working knowledge of what makes for appropriate conversation… For your own sake don’t take this experience as priming you to be attracted to nut jobs. And I suggest not getting any further involved with this person.
RichardPencil 32
Next!!! Move on, nothing to see here!
Jesse Duff 15
You should have responed with enjoying the blood of the innocent, and how young are your children again.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
This guy's so incel he's still talking shit after getting laid!