Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced my false tooth. With a team of flashlights and hurt pride, my expensive tooth was found. In dog shit. FML
Today, my neighbor that's going through a midlife crisis showed off his brand new Corvette. He did donuts on my lawn. FML
crawforda350 tells us more.
Fashionably Late
Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML
Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML
Today, my dad described our security cameras recording a stranger stealing money from his car, and then called me unhealthy and paranoid for locking my car all the time. My car is usually parked right next to his. FML
Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML
Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML
A Dog's Love = Priceless
Today, I bought a lottery ticket. Two hours ago, I found out that the ticket was worth $100. Five minutes ago, I found my dog eating it. FML
Today, I was excited by the thought of the bathroom in my rental being replaced after the plumber advised that the leak can't be easily fixed. Instead, the owner has decided to fully renovate and is kicking me out. FML
Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML
Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML
Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML
Sorry mate, you're on your own
Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML
Today, after rushing to the bus stop and frantically boarding at the last possible second, I realized that I didn't pay my fare with a single, but a twenty. FML
Today, I bought a new bike from a sporting goods store. I secured the bike in the back seat and slammed the door shut, but I didn't pay close enough attention to the placement of the handlebars. I had to return the bike to pay for the shattered window. FML
Today, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a number I didn't know. I had called an Uber in my sleep. They charged a cancellation fee. FML
Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back. FML
Trolled by technology
Today, as soon as I put my card into an ATM, the words "Out of Order" popped up and it would not return my card. Since I was at the bank, I got a free replacement. Trying to draw money again the second machine did the same thing and a third card costs more than what I have in my account. FML
Today, I ordered a vacuum cleaner on Amazon for same-day delivery. When it arrived in the evening I learned the value of reading the description rather than just looking at pictures because it turned out to be a toy vacuum, for a suggested age of two. FML
Nina tells us more.
Nina 32
Hi-ya folks! First let me just say, I'm super stoked because this is the first FML I've ever had published! Second, the back story is this: when I ordered the vacuum, I had just woken up from a dream I had while on sleeping pills so I was preeeetty drowsy. The dream involved vacuuming which is what inspired the shopping spree to begin with. Since I was so drowsy I was skimming over all the product descriptions and only looking at the pictures and prices and let me tell you: by looking at the photo there is no way to tell it's a toy. It's got a brand and model name on it (Bosch Ergomaxx Professional) and cost 40 euros. I thought I was just getting a good deal. Needless to say, kids toys have come a long way in recent years. It's even functional! Just not quite practical for an adult...
Today, our old internet provider withdrew over $1,000 from our account for equipment they acknowledged receiving weeks ago, using preauthorized debit they claimed to have cancelled. Reimbursement will take 4 to 8 weeks. Our first mortgage payment is due just hours before my next pay cheque. FML
MommyMerida tells us more.
OP here! Here's the full story. I live in Quebec, where we have basically two providers for telecommunication services, plus a few small redistributors. I'd had major issues with one of them in the past (another long story culminating with a phone rep yelling at me about how sometimes it's the customer's fault, admitting it was their fault once they finally listened to what I had to say and then their manager trying to charge me hundreds of dollars to fix their screwup) so we decided to go with the other, but after a couple years of crappy service with them we decided to cancel our cable and internet with them and give a redistributor a chance. They sent us the necessary slips and we returned our rented equipment using the mail services they had specified. So when we received a bill for over $1,000 the next month, my husband called to clear it up and was told that they could see in their system the equipment had been received, but it could take them up to two billing cycles to process the returns and they would give us a credit once it was done. He asked to speak to a manager, who said he would process it right away and cancel our preauthorized debit to make sure it didn't go through. Three weeks later, it did. That time, when he called, my husband was told that cancelling payments could take up to a month to process and we should have put a stop payment on it with our bank. The whole thing was ridiculous since they had all the equipment the whole time. We were able to make some transfers and pay our mortgage on time, but timing was just terrible and our savings are somewhat depleted right now since we did just buy a house about a month ago and were required to put a lot down due to my husband being self-employed! We did go to our bank to report this, and after a short investigation they were able to refund us a couple of days ago. But after all that we will definitely be cancelling what remaining services we had with that provider!
Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML
Today, I managed to pay my rent in full for once. My bank called me on suspicion of fraud. FML
milksquad tells us more.
OP here! Dunno if I'll count as "verified" because I submitted the FML without signing up for an account. But it's all good! I'm actually glad that my bank is so thorough as I've had my debit card stolen before. This time around I was using Venmo which apparently isn't a certified merchant, or something? So they just had me confirm my personal details and it went through. Mainly FML because I was stressed that I was paying rent last minute (my own fault). All in all, everything went swimmingly, and I have added faith in my bank's ability to protect my money!
It's a doggy dog world
Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raise after working at a company for 3 months. I'm proud of him, but I've been working at the company for almost 2 years, trying to get to his position. My parents own the company and put him there when they hired him, and now he makes more than me, thanks to their raise. FML
holly_fly tells us more.
holly_fly 34
Hey guys, OP here. Just to explain a little more, he got the position because it's a mechanic one, and he had a bit more experience than me (but only because his dad showed him some basic mechanic skills, and mine didn't... see the problem?) I think part of it also has to do with me being a girl and my parents don't think it's "proper" for a girl to be a mechanic. Anytime I try to talk to them they say "the chance has to be earned", but he obviously didn't "earn" it. As far as the raise, I'm moving upstate soon, so obviously I didn't expect one. We just didn't know they were considering giving anyone one, and I was already having a bad day. It's only a dollar, so it's not a huge deal XD I do work hard though, I was just never given a clear position and was bounced around a lot. That made it kinda hard to show them I could do any one thing well, because I never stayed doing one thing. .-.
Doggy dog world
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Today, after driving 15 hours to enjoy a 6-day family vacation with my in-laws, my husband and I found out that, even though we spent $600 like everyone else, we are sleeping on a pullout couch. FML
BlueSteele220 tells us more.
Hey OP here. actually it is a nice cabin. my sister -in- law and get husband rented out another cabin when they arrived so we wouldn't have to sleep on the couch. We would have for them, the other siblings made the arrangements. Turns out the couch is cooler than the room we have, but we also wanted intimacy..
Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML