Money: Today, my neighbor that's going through a midlife crisis showed...

By crawforda350

Today, my neighbor that's going through a midlife crisis showed off his brand new Corvette. He did donuts on my lawn. FML

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crawforda350 tells us more :

hey, op here, he already agreed to pay for the yard to be fixed, and im not gonna destroy his car, hes a good guy, known him since i moved in(years) but he does stupid stuff at times.

Money

Season finale

There's no helping some people

Clean break

By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

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383

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1977

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By EpicFail - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

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40651

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15857

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bremen

The gift that keeps on giving!

Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML

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3496

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491

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By marlow - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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21778

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2691

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By MynameisntToby - United States

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

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31903

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2783

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By Wtf - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45215

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3004

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By BadKneeBackAndSinuses

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2735

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127

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By ouch - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30575

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6180

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By CBBP - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

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89661

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8726

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By ughhhh - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

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33290

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5740

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By Loser - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

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14395

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73931

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By bm - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

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38039

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2616

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

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8565

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By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

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40827

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5068

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By larrythelobster - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

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7323

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460

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

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9871

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39483

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

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22817

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6696

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2020 08:05

Daily grind

Today, over half of my coworkers have called out for various reasons and my manager is on her third week of vacation. My coworkers keep calling out. I'm the only closer. I just want a day off. FML

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1334

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By insertfoothere - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

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16235

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59732

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By tammyg - United States

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

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27380

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6251

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By Pop - United States - New York

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

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49460

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4767

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By Scarred Nephew - United States - Allen

Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12716

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1374

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By sleeplessinrichmond - United States - Bronx

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

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43645

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2944

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By madiison09 - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65111

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6493

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35257

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3583

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By Kristache - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49127

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16327

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By Anonymous - United States - Latrobe

Today, while refereeing a soccer game, I was accused of being racist, blind, and a fascist by spectators. The game was played by a group of third graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40843

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3060

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By aziraphaleelle - United States - San Jose

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

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38051

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4341

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By StupidPets - United States - Murrysville

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15064

You deserved it

1387

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By Mike - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

100636

You deserved it

7630

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By jack the ripped - United States

Today, while examining my busted nose in the mirror, I had a sneeze attack. Now it looks like someone got their throat slashed in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13036

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1453

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By tjcl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28215

You deserved it

9432

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By Serire - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39133

You deserved it

5173

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By deaddoggy - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23932

You deserved it

1512

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By calidumbass - United States

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8642

You deserved it

121256

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By vidzgrl - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26664

You deserved it

5244

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By noO - United States - Greenwood

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23058

You deserved it

3834

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By DaveAlmighty - United States

Today, my son told me he needed a haircut. I was thrilled that he actually requested it, since he normally throws a fit over getting them. He described the cut he wants. It's a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28162

You deserved it

3283

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25528

You deserved it

2351

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

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33715

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5562

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Top comments

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7535005 - Monday 28 August 2017 23:18

Did he bring coffee too?

By Madrias | 36

#7535077 - Tuesday 29 August 2017 6:26

A brick to the windshield of his brand new Corvette would give him a new crisis to worry about.

COMMENTS

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7535005 - Monday 28 August 2017 23:18

Did he bring coffee too?

By buckdharma | 36

#7535014 - Monday 28 August 2017 23:52

That old Floyd guy beat up that young Connor dude too.
Maybe play it safe and let the cops handle this for you, op?

By Madrias | 36

#7535077 - Tuesday 29 August 2017 6:26

A brick to the windshield of his brand new Corvette would give him a new crisis to worry about.

By Ray_of_midnight | 22

#7535345 - Tuesday 29 August 2017 21:04

Silly neighbor, the only appropriate vehicle for doing donuts on your lawn is a Bitchin' Camaro.

By Isa_fml | 20

#7535398 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 0:44

Hope he's paying to clean it up.

By Tillie Jenkins | 5

#7535418 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 2:27

I'd give him the bill for the mess. And if he doesnt pay it, you can technically take him to court. Its destruction of property

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7535765 - Thursday 31 August 2017 0:44

Take a baseball bat to his Corvette!

By crawforda350 | 11

#7536474 - Friday 1 September 2017 20:23

hey, op here, he already agreed to pay for the yard to be fixed, and im not gonna destroy his car, hes a good guy, known him since i moved in(years) but he does stupid stuff at times.

By texaskitty86 | 25

#7536921 - Sunday 3 September 2017 3:32

The poor Vette doesn't deserve to be punished for the idiot who owns it! Glad he agreed to pay the damages OP