Today, my neighbor that's going through a midlife crisis showed...

By crawforda350 - 2/9/2017 11:51

Today, my neighbor that's going through a midlife crisis showed off his brand new Corvette. He did donuts on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4642

You deserved it

313

Favorite

crawforda350 Say more :

hey, op here, he already agreed to pay for the yard to be fixed, and im not gonna destroy his car, hes a good guy, known him since i moved in(years) but he does stupid stuff at times.

Money

Season finale

Vultures

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By blindedbythelight - 1/9/2017 22:28 - United States - Orlando

Fashionably Late

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3076

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By dogless - 15/10/2019 06:00

Creepy

Today, at my surprise birthday party, my neighbor gave me a new dog collar. My dog was run over by him a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1966

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1420

You deserved it

451

Favorite

By fuck you with a bacon cock - 4/4/2014 22:07 - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43139

You deserved it

3472

Favorite

By Albert - 20/9/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17895

You deserved it

3927

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/6/2018 01:30

Today, my mother knocked on the door of my room at 7am. I am currently over 300 miles from home, on a vacation to get away from my overbearing family. I told none of them where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5754

You deserved it

404

Favorite

By oshitdonotwant - 8/8/2009 13:42 - United States

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68339

You deserved it

4049

Favorite

By Arcam - 13/9/2012 17:25 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23676

You deserved it

8764

Favorite

By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27976

You deserved it

7207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2015 20:44 - United Kingdom - Hampton Hill

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23958

You deserved it

1494

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2019 03:10

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1635

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By shahman14 - 2/6/2019 00:02

Today, I started working at an extremely prestigious bank. In the first five minutes of being there, the boss had me do his laundry at a Laundromat, and when I actually tried to work, he kept showing me some magic tricks. Later on, he fired me for HIS mistake of giving an extra $400 to a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2095

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By tommyboy783 - 20/10/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12032

You deserved it

66135

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47801

You deserved it

5476

Favorite

By wetdreams - 5/2/2012 00:35 - Canada

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28036

You deserved it

3172

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/8/2013 21:05 - United States - Nevada

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57057

You deserved it

6268

Favorite

By J - 7/2/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33014

You deserved it

6828

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/1/2017 22:00

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5831

You deserved it

710

Favorite

By EosHelios - 27/2/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4323

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By OfficeSlave - 25/8/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26855

You deserved it

3410

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/11/2013 21:32 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38846

You deserved it

44738

Favorite

By I have wood - 16/9/2013 21:11 - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52177

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By Jen - 1/12/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14676

You deserved it

33440

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 20:00

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2088

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/7/2015 18:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27582

You deserved it

2771

Favorite

By Anon - 4/8/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46519

You deserved it

20173

Favorite

By (not) fucked - 16/5/2014 16:01 - United States - Kingsville

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59543

You deserved it

8209

Favorite

By parentof5 - 23/4/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37537

You deserved it

24735

Favorite

By stargirl - 19/7/2011 00:36 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39087

You deserved it

13029

Favorite

By nitrok - 8/6/2017 22:00

Today, I started driving with Lyft to fill the time until my new job starts next month. On my very first fare, my car died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3916

You deserved it

393

Favorite

By awkwardencounters - 12/11/2013 11:18 - United States - Belleville

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24189

You deserved it

49165

Favorite

By sillyrabbit - 24/2/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said "hey" when he was next to me. He said, "the pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8342

You deserved it

46247

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2014 22:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33485

You deserved it

6067

Favorite

By Fatty - 15/6/2019 09:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

417

Favorite

By suspiciouspeople - 5/8/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41462

You deserved it

5210

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 15:36 - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53766

You deserved it

5319

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 14:29 - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26540

You deserved it

3019

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/7/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26385

You deserved it

3464

Favorite

By laptopsRus - 19/5/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23856

You deserved it

45072

Favorite

By - 30/1/2020 20:00

Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3534

You deserved it

298

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7535005 - Monday 28 August 2017 23:18

Did he bring coffee too?

By Madrias | 36

#7535077 - Tuesday 29 August 2017 6:26

A brick to the windshield of his brand new Corvette would give him a new crisis to worry about.

COMMENTS

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7535005 - Monday 28 August 2017 23:18

Did he bring coffee too?

By buckdharma | 36

#7535014 - Monday 28 August 2017 23:52

That old Floyd guy beat up that young Connor dude too.
Maybe play it safe and let the cops handle this for you, op?

By Madrias | 36

#7535077 - Tuesday 29 August 2017 6:26

A brick to the windshield of his brand new Corvette would give him a new crisis to worry about.

By Ray_of_midnight | 22

#7535345 - Tuesday 29 August 2017 21:04

Silly neighbor, the only appropriate vehicle for doing donuts on your lawn is a Bitchin' Camaro.

By Isa_fml | 20

#7535398 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 0:44

Hope he's paying to clean it up.

By Tillie Jenkins | 5

#7535418 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 2:27

I'd give him the bill for the mess. And if he doesnt pay it, you can technically take him to court. Its destruction of property

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7535765 - Thursday 31 August 2017 0:44

Take a baseball bat to his Corvette!

By crawforda350 | 11

#7536474 - Friday 1 September 2017 20:23

hey, op here, he already agreed to pay for the yard to be fixed, and im not gonna destroy his car, hes a good guy, known him since i moved in(years) but he does stupid stuff at times.

By texaskitty86 | 25

#7536921 - Sunday 3 September 2017 3:32

The poor Vette doesn't deserve to be punished for the idiot who owns it! Glad he agreed to pay the damages OP