Money: Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 78

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 1 152

23/08/2017 23:15

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 2 824

Leave us alone

Walk the line

Walk on the wild side

28/03/2012 13:52

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 412

You deserved it 2 794

05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 126

20/08/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend told me I can stop using makeup, because it's "not working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 174

The Blob

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 17:02

Today, I cracked an egg which turned out to have an extremely thin shell, so at first contact with the bowl, it came apart in my hand and the contents glooped right through my fingers, all the way down the kitchen cabinet, into a half-open drawer, as well as onto the floor and underneath the cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 257

30/09/2009 08:28

Spicy

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 203

You deserved it 5 094

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 665

You deserved it 6 960

05/08/2013 04:00

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 052

You deserved it 9 797

02/05/2014 00:23

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 280

You deserved it 4 703

16/06/2009 22:58

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 930

You deserved it 40 392

06/05/2014 15:05

Today, after getting home from the supermarket, I went to unlock the door so my dad could carry the groceries in. No matter how hard or how many different ways I tried, the lock wouldn't shift. My dad eventually grabbed the keys, twisted once, and after the door unlocked, called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 472

You deserved it 10 574

Bureaucracy

By CaptainStars - 29/06/2020 20:01

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 110

15/05/2014 22:57

Spicy

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 60 222

16/11/2010 10:07

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 437

You deserved it 27 981

04/11/2011 00:16

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 681

You deserved it 4 234

11/09/2015 10:51

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 396

You deserved it 8 831

07/08/2012 18:04

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 115

You deserved it 2 325

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 20:00

Today, my mom told me my aunt was coming over. I told her I might have to work, and would be sad to miss her. My mom said, "Or, you know, if you're not there, it might be nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 235

04/09/2017 23:15

Today, once again, my boss posted a selfie with a Snapchat filter on the company's Facebook page. She doesn't see how it's unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 242

26/04/2012 12:08

Spicy

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 933

31/12/2015 05:47

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 050

You deserved it 1 616

24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess.The first thing my son said was "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 739

You deserved it 330

10/06/2015 02:44

Today, my boyfriend and I were hanging out when he suddenly said, "Do you know who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world?" I prepared myself for a cute compliment, until he showed me a picture of another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 725

You deserved it 2 765

12/06/2016 12:37

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 510

You deserved it 2 156

16/03/2012 01:18

Spicy

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 5 615

Risky

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 10:01

Today, I poured gas around my house for pest control. I can still smell it from inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 625

04/10/2016 12:45

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 598

You deserved it 1 155

Superficial World

By apparentlytoofat - 26/04/2020 05:00

Today, my husband said he thinks of me as more of a roommate than a romantic interest, and he’s wouldn't be that attracted to me unless I lose another 20 pounds. I was just celebrating that I’d lost 5 pounds already in April. Stress makes it harder to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 289

14/03/2012 03:22

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 569

You deserved it 32 167

08/07/2009 07:24

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 633

You deserved it 10 437

24/02/2015 16:15

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 2 524

20/03/2014 22:18

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 768

You deserved it 5 451

16/09/2011 09:38

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 045

You deserved it 11 473

07/06/2019 14:03

Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 104

20/05/2010 15:20

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 324

You deserved it 4 674

02/08/2016 11:18

Today, my boss signed and sent me back my timesheet. He named the PDF file "Timeshit". Now I don't know whether he's terrible at spelling, or just expressed his view of my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 667

You deserved it 1 218

24/12/2010 07:15

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 690

You deserved it 3 802

22/06/2012 07:28

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 092

You deserved it 3 727

14/02/2010 05:07

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 734

You deserved it 2 622

13/08/2011 06:37

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 978

You deserved it 4 715

03/02/2009 22:38

Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 4 244

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Wednesday 23 August 2017 23:34

Try explaining it as nicely as you possibly can to your cousin about the situation and maybe they may understand?

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Thursday 24 August 2017 0:26

Literally just call, communicate, talk. These are your bills, what you need to pay to live. Ask them with an urgency as if you lost money to keep it polite. Most people DO NOT CARE and WILL NOT HATE YOU over stuff like this. Bad relationships are seen and stick out more because their more entertaining. Just ask!

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 23 August 2017 23:34

Try explaining it as nicely as you possibly can to your cousin about the situation and maybe they may understand?

Send a private message

Thursday 24 August 2017 0:26

Literally just call, communicate, talk. These are your bills, what you need to pay to live. Ask them with an urgency as if you lost money to keep it polite. Most people DO NOT CARE and WILL NOT HATE YOU over stuff like this. Bad relationships are seen and stick out more because their more entertaining. Just ask!

jfsiv 17

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Thursday 24 August 2017 0:26

Sounds like your cousin is going to have a great honeymoon!

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Thursday 24 August 2017 5:16

How can you not pay attention while paying bills? That's just asking for a disaster.

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Thursday 24 August 2017 10:43

I never get how in the States you guys don't have automatic billing on anything? Over here everything is done straight away without us having to send any money anywhere ourselves. Get some direct debits people!!!

Lalala579121 27

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Thursday 24 August 2017 11:33

We do, why some people don't is beyond me. I have it and it's wonderful because I never have to worry about a thing.

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Thursday 24 August 2017 15:08

Although I 99% agree with you, bills can also mean things you need to pay cash for. Car repairs, home repair labor. And phone bills may be phone cards, or he is paying someone who pays his bills for him (his parents, or cash to someone who sells prepaid cards for cheap) Not all bills are online, not everything can be autopaid!

raven_of_azarath 34

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Thursday 24 August 2017 16:50

We have the option, but not everyone chooses to have it. I use it for my TV bill, but not my electricity bill because I work a minimum wage job, getting paid every two weeks, and I'm not guaranteed to have the amount for my energy bill the day it's due. I support myself so I'm usually out of money by the time I get paid again.

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Thursday 24 August 2017 13:59

Sorry. You deserved it

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Thursday 24 August 2017 14:18

best cousin ever!

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Friday 6 April 2018 23:11

that's just idiotic to be s o careless and then not say anything.

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Sunday 10 November 2019 18:41

your paying your bills by sending cash through the mail??? ydi. that's ridiculous.

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Monday 11 January 2021 22:10

You pay your bills with cash? Thats really not wise. If its lost in the mail you have no proof you've paid.