Money: Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced...

By Anonymous - 03/09/2017 20:00

Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced my false tooth. With a team of flashlights and hurt pride, my expensive tooth was found. In dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 374

You deserved it 460

Money

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

Always check for tits

By uhoh.. - 22/03/2015 19:51 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 2 994

By OakStake - 08/12/2013 22:07 - United States - New York

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 208

You deserved it 3 407

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 866

You deserved it 33 297

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 09:59 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 3 602

By GettingNone - 25/06/2009 03:05 - France

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 163

You deserved it 6 205

Cruel

By Gayafnow - 02/08/2021 02:01

Today, my sister outed me to my very conservative parents as retaliation for not taking her to get McDonald’s at 2 a.m. last night. My mom gave me an ultimatum, either "stop the lesbian shit" or get the fuck out of her house. My sister smirked through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 17:56 - Philippines - Dasmari?as

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 442

You deserved it 3 147

Sharing is caring

By blackrose - 08/08/2021 02:01

Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 73

By Shitsuo01 - 30/12/2016 01:56 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 325

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 17/09/2015 17:28 - United States - Macon

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 281

You deserved it 2 433

By notsober - 20/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 992

You deserved it 6 918

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 08:00

Today, I shoved my tits in my boyfriend's face and he chose to continue playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 825

By brownunderwear - 14/12/2011 03:45 - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 7 857

By Disconnected - 16/05/2017 12:00

Today, I found out that it is possible for someone else to cancel my Internet, TV and phone services in two days. However it'll take me 5 days, after 6 hours on the phone, to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 349

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 719

You deserved it 3 880

By Anonymous - 10/03/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 934

You deserved it 5 543

By freakfreak12345 - 19/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 624

You deserved it 74 655

Best day of my life

By poorgirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 127

You deserved it 3 454

By sadbride - 26/10/2012 03:58 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 189

You deserved it 3 615

By meganridner - 04/08/2011 16:05 - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 505

You deserved it 53 129

By longest minute - 25/05/2016 11:28 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 2 642

My life is average

By Kohsukeff - 07/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, as a single, 24-year old college graduate working temp jobs outside his field, the only thing I look forward to in my day is what I get to eat for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 100 068

By LightsOut - 21/05/2013 22:47 - United States - Melbourne

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 700

You deserved it 3 390

By Derpina - 21/12/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 485

You deserved it 5 163

By Rhea - 28/10/2009 11:00 - Australia

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 077

You deserved it 3 706

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 656

You deserved it 6 818

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 410

You deserved it 15 508

By hannahlorraine - 25/11/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 147

You deserved it 2 796

By Noname - 18/01/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 335

You deserved it 2 169

By Anonymous - 14/05/2014 20:43 - United States - Irmo

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 242

You deserved it 17 329

By smellsfunnyinfrance - 21/08/2016 16:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 700

You deserved it 1 179

By whooops - 15/08/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, after having a few beers at a bar, I gave my ticket to the valet to get my car. I tipped the man $2 and he gave me a huge smile and thanked me a lot as I left. I thought the guy was just really appreciative for those $2 until I got home and saw one of the $100 bills in my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 449

You deserved it 57 676

By Creepedout - 19/11/2015 03:26 - United States - Wilson

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 593

You deserved it 1 645

By xolaurennnn - 22/05/2015 15:55 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 200

You deserved it 3 287

By Rusty - 03/07/2015 19:02 - United States - New City

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 970

You deserved it 2 650

By dazzla08 - 26/03/2011 00:07

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 498

You deserved it 3 321

By Myballshurt - 03/08/2013 04:31 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 370

You deserved it 22 098

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 076

You deserved it 3 722

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Henderson

Today, I decided to take a relaxing shower. My face mask made my face break out in hives. While exfoliating, my nipples became chafed. Then I slipped and cut myself while shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 329

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Top comments

gobiteme2 34

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Sunday 3 September 2017 21:40

I don't think using dog s__the as an adhesive is very effective.

Regulate 21

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Sunday 3 September 2017 20:02

This isn't a long story but I'm still finding it rather difficult to process it. So many questions.

Comments

BeautifulMine 16

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Friday 25 August 2017 0:05

I really hope "I'm" wasn't an auto correct

interesting33 36

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Friday 25 August 2017 0:38

do you mean in? because you are not dog shit. it happens

Regulate 21

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Sunday 3 September 2017 20:02

This isn't a long story but I'm still finding it rather difficult to process it. So many questions.

azouwa 26

Sunday 3 September 2017 20:03

Ah man. Sorry to hear. That's terrible. You're life sucks.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 3 September 2017 20:37

Why bother with a single false tooth when gap-toothed girls are sexy af? Even Chaucer noticed that a thousand years ago!

gobiteme2 34

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Sunday 3 September 2017 21:40

I don't think using dog s__the as an adhesive is very effective.

Lobby_Bee 17

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Monday 4 September 2017 6:22

Should of paid a few extra bucks for the gold one. You wouldn't misplace it if it was gold.

tonyfan00 38

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Monday 4 September 2017 8:18

Sometimes things that are lost should probably remain lost.

Lisa Alexandria 10

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Monday 18 September 2017 4:53

Man that really sucks, I'm so sorry!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 80

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 79