Today, my sister tackled me by the leg in a game of frisbee. I now know the unique sensation of a knee dislocating. It is not a beautiful one. FML
Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML
Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML
Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML
Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML
Today, I got so angry at losing in FIFA, I punched a hole in my wall and strained my back and neck doing it. Now I have to lie down on my back because it's too painful to move. FML
Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chickenpox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML
Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML
Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML
Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML
Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML
Today, some kids playing around stepped in front of the bus I was on. The driver slammed the brakes, and I hit my knee so hard my kneecap dislodged. The kids were all fine, though. FML
Hgbest11 tells us more.
Hgbest11 6
nah dude. the kids were playing that dumb game where you pretendingly dart in front of a car and then dart back, it's a really idiotic game. but they were never really in danger of getting hit.
Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML
Today, the only member of our family who can get health insurance is our dog. FML
Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML
Today, I painted the guest bathroom. Once finished, I noticed the paint splatters on my arms matched my lily white chalky skin. Paint matches me better than my makeup. Guess I need a different paint, and new make up. FML
Today, after keeping myself awake coughing for 2 hours, I finally drifted off. My cat apparently thought I'd died, and gave me CPR. Now I have claw marks on my chest, and I'm still awake. FML
racello13 tells us more.
racello13 32
Hey, this is mine! The whole time I've been sick, said cat has been sleeping on my chest/face. Can't cough if you can't breathe, right?
Today, I was at Walmart to pick up things. I was using an electric buggy because my ankle is injured, even though it was a bit odd. On the way out, the controls got stuck going forward, pushing along six carts into a pileup before I managed to get it to turn off. The manager saw the whole thing. FML
GhostFox tells us more.
GhostFox 34
This is mine. I was really more embarrassed and kind of horrified by the damage to the carts- two of them had broken plastic parts and one had a bent frame- but the manager was very calm about it and apologized for it even malfunctioning. I try not to use the buggies, but I have a disorder that makes my joints prone to dislocation and my soft tissue prone to tearing- and after I torn a ligament in my leg pushing a buggy, my doctor told me not to push cart anymore. It was even further off the table with the high ankle sprain I had. So, yeah, I count as "disabled." Also, my name is not Jade, but it helps to know this sort of shenanigans happens to other people.
Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML
Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML
Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML
Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have a very bad cold. When my boss leaned in to show me something on the computer, I sneezed all over him. A hell of a first impression. FML
Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML
Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML
Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML
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