All the FMLs

By longest minute - 25/05/2016 11:28 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 743

You deserved it 2 689

By Ban Hammered - 25/05/2016 10:35 - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 437

You deserved it 876

By mumblingdope - 25/05/2016 08:52 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 978

You deserved it 1 205

Boring people

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 07:53 - Australia - West Hoxton

Today, my coworker, who I'm secretly in love with, asked me what my plans for the weekend were. I thought she might have been about to ask me out, so I said that I had no plans. She then rolled her eyes and said that she hates talking to, "boring people who shut down every conversation starter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 502

You deserved it 1 663

By Undercover_Agent - 25/05/2016 06:04 - United States - Ankeny

Today, upon my arrival at work, I was greeted by 2 police officers, 2 managers, my coworker, and a meth-head in my office. They quickly told me that the meth-head was wearing stolen merchandise under her clothes, then left me alone with her, saying I had to watch her undress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 869

You deserved it 785

Undercover_Agent tells us more.

Undercover_Agent 13

Wednesday 25 May 2016 18:42

Hey, original poster here, I would like to add a few more details since I couldn't in the original post. First off, you should know that I work as a loss prevention investigator at a large retail store. I was excited when I arrived at work since I saw the two police cars outside; that meant my coworker caught a shoplifter. So I clocked in, grabbed my keys and entered my office to find everyone in there. All of the police officers, my managers, and coworker were males and so I was the only female. They must have been waiting for me to come in because they told me that and left me alone with her almost immediately; I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on. I did not want to watch the meth-head change; it was not a pretty sight and I don't get paid enough for such things. I also had the added bonus of having my office smell like drugs after she left. What a great welcoming to work...

By maxthomkell - 25/05/2016 03:51 - United States

Today, my AP government teacher moved our seats and of course, I was seated next to my ex who has harassed me ever since our breakup. When I asked the teacher after class if I could please have a seat change, she told me I would have to write a 3-page essay on why I made the request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 590

You deserved it 1 008

By LostSleep - 24/05/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 768

You deserved it 794

By FastTurtle9 - 24/05/2016 20:10 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 705

You deserved it 1 346

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 14:05

Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 809

You deserved it 1 107

By why?? - 24/05/2016 13:29 - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 606

You deserved it 1 376

By anony - 24/05/2016 12:57 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 736

You deserved it 1 042

By BrokenAndHurt - 24/05/2016 12:28 - United States - Gilmanton

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 862

You deserved it 1 439

Where are you?

By LongDriveNoSleep - 24/05/2016 10:38 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 166

You deserved it 1 362

Are you a wizard?

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 10:30 - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 839

You deserved it 1 345

By Shitty day - 24/05/2016 05:59 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 666

You deserved it 1 574

By anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 235

You deserved it 765

By Carrie_Chaos - 23/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 094

You deserved it 1 503

By TheNewCashierInTown - 23/05/2016 19:30 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 892

You deserved it 3 162

Pictures of you

By ReboundGrl - 23/05/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 958

You deserved it 1 433

How're you doing?

By figcurzyez - 23/05/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 040

You deserved it 2 348

By gettinganF - 23/05/2016 11:57 - United States - Severn

Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 369

You deserved it 2 414

By Anon - 23/05/2016 10:49 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 246

You deserved it 1 263

By WellThatSucks - 23/05/2016 09:15 - United States

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 211

You deserved it 1 401

By MagickAngel - 23/05/2016 07:19 - United States - Pinckney

Today, I was the only driver at the pizza place I work at, since it was the morning shift. My recently made ex-boyfriend ordered pizza for delivery. Guess who got to take it to him. And guess who got a 34 cent tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 118

You deserved it 1 143

MagickAngel tells us more.

MagickAngel 7

Tuesday 24 May 2016 9:32

OP here! I'm really surprised this was published! Let me clear up a few things. I do use my own car and I make less than minimum wage here in Michigan as a driver. I was actually in an accident because I was delivering last month so my tips have been going towards repairing my car. I put about $20 in gas in my car a day and the opening shift starts at 11 AM. I was not the closest place to my ex, in fact it's a 20 min drive to where he was working when he called and asked me to bring him pizza since he couldn't leave the garage he works at. He knows I am the opening driver right now because I hadn't replaced my headlight after the crash yet. The 34 cents was the left over change after I gave him back his cash. We broke up just over a month ago after 2 and a half years living together

By a faint recollection - 23/05/2016 01:57 - United States - Goshen

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 064

You deserved it 2 034

By Bugga2018 - 22/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 427

You deserved it 924

By welp - 22/05/2016 20:22 - United States - Roswell

Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 103

You deserved it 1 180

By Llamadroid - 22/05/2016 18:19 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 742

You deserved it 1 483

By Seriouslynow - 22/05/2016 17:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 951

You deserved it 3 048

By muaythaiboss - 22/05/2016 17:45 - United States - Alexandria

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 389

You deserved it 1 077

muaythaiboss tells us more.

muaythaiboss 12

Monday 23 May 2016 13:24

OP here. if anyone is wondering how he broke his leg. he basically got his leg trapped, and when he was thrown, he landed on only one leg. the doctors said it was a pretty clean fracture, so he will be back in 2 months. but needless to say we lost 6 of the 8 students.