Today, I had to do an assignment about my greatest achievement... - FML

By Anonymous - 06/01/2017 23:46

Today, I had to do an assignment about my greatest achievement and about an award I've received. I don't have either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 237

Best teeth in the game

Mother of the year

Own it

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698

You deserved it 156

Compassion? Pah!

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 6 602

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 05:16 - Canada

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 125

You deserved it 21 137

You can't win sometimes

By rahhhnnnn - 25/04/2020 02:00

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 240

By nobody asked you! - 25/03/2019 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 18/01/2012 11:30 - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 426

You deserved it 5 483

By AW - 10/01/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 597

You deserved it 3 015

By Shameonme - 26/10/2008 16:04 - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 560

You deserved it 61 045

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 75

By Lexiebear27 - 19/09/2011 15:56 - United States

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 946

You deserved it 6 793

By Anonymous - 12/05/2019 02:00

Today, after weeks of being hounded to go out on a date with this guy, I finally found the time and invited him over, fully intending to hook up. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 435

An Inconvenient Thief

By Satver7 - 10/03/2017 22:00

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 154

You deserved it 4 546

By freezingggg - 23/09/2011 14:33 - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 133

You deserved it 3 690

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

By mama’s boy - 31/10/2019 00:01

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 381

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 637

You deserved it 3 911

By Jake - 01/07/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 884

You deserved it 6 486

By Kit - 16/09/2013 11:09 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 069

You deserved it 5 891

He protecc

By arianelagolden - 04/08/2016 07:27

Today, I saw our boss, visiting from the USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking a cup will drop automatically. I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I knew, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 106

You deserved it 1 338

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 21 549

By Satan's Mum - 06/05/2014 18:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 9 090

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 242

You deserved it 5 046

By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 547

You deserved it 747

By mackmoons - 10/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out someone doing the exact same job as me at work is making $900 more than me on their paycheck. The only reason is because when he messes up, he blames it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 132

By regected - 30/08/2009 12:19 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 797

You deserved it 45 310

By Username - 02/08/2011 04:43 - Australia

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 950

You deserved it 2 734

By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 115

You deserved it 5 861

By NYCproblems - 24/06/2013 14:06 - United States - New York

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 997

You deserved it 4 867

Some help

By fuckwank - 20/09/2013 20:31 - United States - Red Oak

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 042

You deserved it 12 402

Asshat

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, my hours at work were slashed due to company wide cut backs. The only coworker unaffected was the asshat who stole my promotion after I'd trained them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 196

Bad, bad mom

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 02:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I got home from work a few hours early to find my mum cheating, right in the middle of the act. So much for a nice afternoon off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 13/09/2014 14:39 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 224

You deserved it 5 064

By CouldBeALoser - 17/09/2016 18:26 - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 879

You deserved it 1 067

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 00:30

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 849

By Beeper - 11/10/2014 19:07 - United States - Champaign

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 623

You deserved it 5 209

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 15:50 - United States

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 475

You deserved it 4 981

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:21 - United States - Smithville

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 254

You deserved it 1 791

By Anonymous - 04/05/2013 01:14 - Netherlands

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 202

You deserved it 3 780

By notyouraverageteenager - 10/06/2010 07:06 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 7 302

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 219

By Woody - 06/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 372

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Top comments

turtle_darkness 17

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Wednesday 11 January 2017 7:44

Guess this FML wasn't a success either since it's been four days and I'm the first commenter.

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Wednesday 11 January 2017 19:14

Wow #1 is right I'm so sorry OP

Comments

turtle_darkness 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 January 2017 7:44

Guess this FML wasn't a success either since it's been four days and I'm the first commenter.

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 May 2018 0:23

This is the way people should comment 'FIRST'

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Wednesday 11 January 2017 19:14

Wow #1 is right I'm so sorry OP

daringDuckling 0

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Thursday 12 January 2017 3:27

"my greatest successes is surviving this far without suicide or complete social and emotional collapse" -actual essay I wrote my Jr year of high school ?? something along those lines

KK3137 31

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Thursday 12 January 2017 18:25

Maybe your greatest success is having an FML published?

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Sunday 15 January 2017 9:57

Greatest success is being the one sperm that made it out of the 100 million released during ejaculation!

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Monday 11 September 2017 19:00

Don't feel bad I'm in the same boat as you.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 987

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 1 145