By okaykk

Thanks babe...

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2392

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198

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Love

Health

Out of it

Triage

Zoomed out

By anonymous - Canada

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24175

You deserved it

26757

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By Bucko321 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36619

You deserved it

78076

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3155

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30793

You deserved it

6840

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By Lois - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46594

You deserved it

5912

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By poops - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24993

You deserved it

3728

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12643

You deserved it

50292

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:02 - United States - Santa Ana

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I woke up to the inside of my house covered in bees. Hundreds of them. I have been complaining about a bee problem to the HOA for two weeks, and their response has been, “The hive was taken care of." Well, a few hundred bees inside and a few thousand on my outside wall beg to disagree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1456

You deserved it

Favorite

By jitiizer - Netherlands - Leeuwarden

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34820

You deserved it

2302

Favorite

By yepintheladiesroom - United Kingdom - London

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54585

You deserved it

5608

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By Anonymous - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40039

You deserved it

2983

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By hannieannie - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25248

You deserved it

3092

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By foxfur - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11642

You deserved it

3892

Favorite

By Nutty - United States

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47097

You deserved it

12459

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27586

You deserved it

3477

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By lectro - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

I agree, your life sucks

43388

You deserved it

3738

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64597

You deserved it

3808

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By courtbabbbby - United States

Today, I got banned on Club Penguin because I said "shit" while I was in a fight with another penguin about whose igloo is cooler. Shouldn't I have better things to do on a Friday night? FML

I agree, your life sucks

12705

You deserved it

43651

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By owned - Singapore

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16240

You deserved it

66823

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30582

You deserved it

3037

Favorite

By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23447

You deserved it

1296

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By innocent72 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44713

You deserved it

3689

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42330

You deserved it

4676

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By ilikecake - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16340

You deserved it

53276

Favorite

By Smeagogole - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27048

You deserved it

3541

Favorite

By ThirdWheelHell - United States - Farmville

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12898

You deserved it

3478

Favorite

By Jade - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55233

You deserved it

9642

Favorite

By LadyGrey

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27933

You deserved it

6243

Favorite

By Knottywoman

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3139

You deserved it

224

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By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15982

You deserved it

979

Favorite

By Username - China

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37310

You deserved it

6874

Favorite

By moopymoplady - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29202

You deserved it

5607

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50772

You deserved it

10675

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47302

You deserved it

3810

Favorite

By anonamous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32127

You deserved it

96615

Favorite

By S - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31248

You deserved it

5738

Favorite

By justwow - United Kingdom

Any day now…

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35008

You deserved it

9256

Favorite

By Lonely - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45310

You deserved it

9382

Favorite

By zks

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We've been broken up for nearly a year and I've told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven't dated since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30426

You deserved it

5919

Favorite

By Bullocks - United States - Rochester

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23142

You deserved it

4425

Favorite

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Top comments

By darkshadus | 10

#7688157 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 13:02

Depending on your personal preference you either need a new water bottle or fiancé

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7688172 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 13:29

At least now you have a free pass to piss on something he likes. So yeah, live the dream.

COMMENTS

By darkshadus | 10

#7688157 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 13:02

Depending on your personal preference you either need a new water bottle or fiancé

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7688172 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 13:29

At least now you have a free pass to piss on something he likes. So yeah, live the dream.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7688182 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 13:40

Why was he peeing in your water bottle?

Petra Grote | 19

#7688211 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 14:16

Who said it was a man ? 😂

Glowworm56 | 25

#7688259 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 16:33

Fiance generally refers to a man. Fiancee refers to a woman. Sometimes the terms gets mixed up though.

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7688354 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 19:27

How exactly is a woman supposed to pee in a water bottle? Peeing in a cup is hard enough.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7688281 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 17:05

You mean he peed in his favorite urine bottle. That’s the law of the jungle!

I hope you get a chance to pee on his paycheck!

By _Hakuna_Matata_ | 12

#7688408 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 21:24

That must've been a real eye opener.

By 1ninjanina | 7

#7688479 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 23:31

Was he drunk?

By cylon_god | 4

#7688539 - Thursday 6 September 2018 3:22

Boy, he really wants you to stay hydrated.