Money: Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3765

You deserved it

157

Favorite

Money

Season finale

Good boy

You went too far

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37468

You deserved it

6303

Favorite

By Chelstable

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14612

You deserved it

1471

Favorite

By Dump Tump

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1695

You deserved it

158

Favorite

By Ahsan - Pakistan - Multan

Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1376

You deserved it

744

Favorite

By 1234567898765432 - Canada

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

113044

You deserved it

6059

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36679

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

By waaah - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36328

You deserved it

2726

Favorite

By thelarkscaw - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19084

You deserved it

53417

Favorite

By gooddriver - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32654

You deserved it

2074

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bromley

Testing times

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27066

You deserved it

2749

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25590

You deserved it

5632

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33121

You deserved it

5980

Favorite

By BigFoot - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45947

You deserved it

20299

Favorite

By sober judge - United States - Enfield

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41514

You deserved it

7833

Favorite

By nametag - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50781

You deserved it

3909

Favorite

By Kimel - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23553

You deserved it

2308

Favorite

By brokeasajoke - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42707

You deserved it

10728

Favorite

By No thank you - United States - Columbus

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38566

You deserved it

6240

Favorite

By letmeinplease - United Kingdom

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28226

You deserved it

2902

Favorite

By Clueless - United States

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11021

You deserved it

31011

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3816

You deserved it

1418

Favorite

By Kourou - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34119

You deserved it

3006

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17939

You deserved it

54354

Favorite

By pritch44 - United States

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40457

You deserved it

4033

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22743

You deserved it

39601

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32863

You deserved it

4360

Favorite

By MickeyDManager - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44580

You deserved it

39092

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

What is it?

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67850

You deserved it

8180

Favorite

By imma ture

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21841

You deserved it

6045

Favorite

By notinterested - United States

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34223

You deserved it

5404

Favorite

By anthony - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

28078

You deserved it

1860

Favorite

By SimpleSadie

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4594

You deserved it

459

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 11:02

Great quality control

Today, I got a job! When they sent me the offer letter, I sent it back ASAP after being satisfied with the salary and benefits. My problem? I wrote that I'd accepted the wrong position (in the interview it went by different names) The irony? I'm supposed to be in QC, ie., I'm supposed to have a keen eye for errors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

332

You deserved it

727

Favorite

By single - United States

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41976

You deserved it

3678

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Davenport

Today, the guy I really like asked me if I'd like to go to a hockey game this weekend. I said I'd love to go, so he said, "Then you'd best get a ticket soon before they sell out." I still don't know if I have a date or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48852

You deserved it

4441

Favorite

By Pushover - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13624

You deserved it

40592

Favorite

By yonanon - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33790

You deserved it

3103

Favorite

By Anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33078

You deserved it

3565

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

78633

You deserved it

20819

Favorite

By sherrylynn - United States - West Haven

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55698

You deserved it

3807

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7688395 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 20:42

I don't know how to tell you this, but I think you were robbed by a bunch of pigeons.

By GoogieWithers | 21

#7688394 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 20:39

What utter scum!

COMMENTS

By GoogieWithers | 21

#7688394 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 20:39

What utter scum!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7688395 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 20:42

I don't know how to tell you this, but I think you were robbed by a bunch of pigeons.

vandj8 | 9

#7689999 - Sunday 9 September 2018 5:41

Or a pack of raccoons. Would explain the trash getting scattered and the missing bread - my husband and I had a loaf of bread stolen by raccoons once when camping.

By _Hakuna_Matata_ | 12

#7688405 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 21:20

Bastards! I really don't know what to say op. It's these kinds of pathetic cunts that gives humans a bad name.

By real life problems | 26

#7688416 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 21:49

Karma will come around to them

By Kruxon | 11

#7688428 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 22:05

They might even be some homeless dudes.. leave em OP but I really hope you get some bucks.

raven_of_azarath | 34

#7688461 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 22:55

So them maybe being homeless is a reason to ignore a B&E offense?

By GrimReefer66 | 29

#7688512 - Thursday 6 September 2018 0:39

Guarantee it 'twas a crackhead

J352SAURUS | 30

#7688965 - Friday 7 September 2018 0:11

Saying "it 'twas" is like saying ATM machine.

By Decipherme | 11

#7688552 - Thursday 6 September 2018 3:55

Do you need some help? I’d be happy to lend a hand.

By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20

#7688586 - Thursday 6 September 2018 6:34

well that's just being an asshole...

By Jorn van der Ar | 13

#7689329 - Friday 7 September 2018 19:45

If you are really that poor in one of the richest countries in the world, then YDI.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7689827 - Saturday 8 September 2018 19:31

You're really poor, but you can obviously afford a phone/Internet if you're on FML. Unless you're at a library. But regardless, it doesn't matter, whoever did that is a total asshole.