All the FMLs

By yikes :/ - 22/05/2017 18:00

Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 109

You deserved it 1 080

No uggos

By confiancedecrise - 22/05/2017 16:00

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 420

By broke - 22/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 457

You deserved it 346

Animal

By Anonymous - 22/05/2017 12:00

Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 777

You deserved it 4 713

By Deadendjob - 22/05/2017 02:00

Today, my dad refused to sign a student finance form to allow me to study my dream subject at university because he doesn't want the government knowing his business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 701

You deserved it 417

By Electric Eddy - 22/05/2017 00:00

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 267

You deserved it 382

Basted High School

By RoastedbyNature - 21/05/2017 22:00

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 524

You deserved it 412

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 500

You deserved it 646

Where's my shit?

By Still No Phone - 21/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 778

You deserved it 330

By KaD - 21/05/2017 16:00

Today, I lost my dream job after a week, after being told, "When I hired you, I wasn't honest. I wasn't looking to hire an examiner, I wanted someone to replace me so I can retire in a year. I don't have time to train you for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 517

You deserved it 291

By cloudish - 21/05/2017 12:00 - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 096

You deserved it 643

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 5 543

By Anonymous - 20/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 024

You deserved it 472

By TronCat8230 - 20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 2 177

Amazing

By Quest for fun - 20/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 424

You deserved it 395

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 20/05/2017 02:00

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 690

You deserved it 384

By Neuronerd - 19/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 333

You deserved it 385

Waste my time

By screwyoucompany - 19/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had a job interview. I was almost late due to road closure and being blocked in my street by the trash truck. The "interview" turned out to be a hiring fair, with lots of other people. I had to wait outside for 3 hours in the sun with no shade, water or food. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 556

You deserved it 378

By Gilly - 19/05/2017 18:00

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 915

You deserved it 568

By SwellSwellSwell - 19/05/2017 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, as a nursing assistant, I often hear that the biggest thing people get from their job is satisfaction of helping others get better. Biggest thing I've gotten out of it? Shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 662

You deserved it 469

Swellswellswell tells us more.

Swellswellswell 17

Wednesday 17 May 2017 17:06

Hey guys, OP here. I've gotten over the worst part of it, just left with a small scab under my eye. When I first started they told me all the vaccines I needed, which they would provide. Shingles/chicken pox vaccine wasn't on there! At least it's cleared now!

This is a low

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 17:08

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 490

You deserved it 5 597

By justfriends - 19/05/2017 16:55

Today, I went to hang out with an older friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while. It was pretty fun and I was having a great time. That is, of course, until I hugged him goodbye and he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I think we were fated to hook up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 722

You deserved it 384

ijustwantedtohangout tells us more.

ijustwantedtohangout 1

Friday 19 May 2017 6:24

Oh gosh I never thought this would get posted! I made an account just to comment, though I should have ages ago since I browse all the time. I'm glad you found this as humorous (and creepy) as I did! I've known the guy for about 4 years now, usually through group events, and this was the first time we ever went to hang one-on-one! He was always such a sweetheart and was always super polite and respectful up until this point, and my closer friends from the group vouched for him, so I wasn't too worried about meeting up with him. He's not too terribly old or anything, he's in his late twenties, so when he said he wanted to 'hook up', he definitely meant it in a sexual manner! But given that I just recently turned 18, the age gap and the fact we've known each other since I was 14 made it super creepy for me! I definitely learned my lesson and will be sticking with hanging out in group environments for a little while now.

By Bride to be - 19/05/2017 10:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 003

You deserved it 243

Always check before

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 712

You deserved it 956

By disappointment son - 19/05/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 250

Monty Python crossover episode

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/05/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 254

You deserved it 1 088

Driving me mad

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 22:00

Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 569

You deserved it 586

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 768

You deserved it 736

By job hunter - 18/05/2017 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 576

You deserved it 338

By Filingfordivorce - 18/05/2017 16:00

Today, it seems my husband didn't realize that "Office Space" is just a movie and began to act like the characters in a pathetic attempt to, "stand up to the establishment!" Perhaps he also didn't realize that attempted arson is considered a federal crime. The bail is $20,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 446

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 262

You deserved it 1 535

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 6 549

Today, I found out where all my favourite things have been disappearing to: the garbage bin, one item at a time, courtesy of my girlfriend, who it seems wants me in a suit reading the Financial Times on a Saturday, instead of my favourite Jedi dressing gown reading Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 672

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 893

You deserved it 2 229

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 543

You deserved it 2 797

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 32