Miscellaneous: Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend....

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 37

09/04/2009 01:42

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 137

You deserved it 12 392

Miscellaneous

Good kid

Best teeth in the game

Creepy roommates #56

28/07/2011 10:51

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 855

You deserved it 5 191

06/02/2013 18:00

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 093

You deserved it 5 316

17/09/2009 17:32

Today, my professor informed me that if I didn't "show more commitment" to my choral ensemble he would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures are a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 298

You deserved it 2 752

Charming

By iwillcutyou - 06/12/2018 07:30

Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 607

You deserved it 143

06/08/2009 12:27

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 815

You deserved it 125 145

29/06/2014 16:18

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 886

You deserved it 9 093

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 02:01

Today, I tend to get bloated in the afternoons when I suffer from stress. Lately, I've been so stressed out that I'm seriously considering buying maternity pants, because not even my stretchiest sweat pants will fit me after 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 198

22/12/2013 05:37

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 449

You deserved it 3 632

09/02/2009 15:31

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 085

You deserved it 5 115

13/04/2011 13:34

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 835

You deserved it 3 317

Ten years, going strong

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 14:00

Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 280

07/08/2019 12:00

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 1 609

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 19:08

Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 177

27/04/2011 03:07

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 361

You deserved it 4 314

28/02/2014 09:06

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 322

You deserved it 3 978

24/12/2016 20:14

Today, my step-mum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 932

You deserved it 627

28/10/2015 15:09

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 3 109

31/03/2009 17:23

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 403

You deserved it 7 935

10/07/2015 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 568

You deserved it 2 770

26/09/2013 07:06

Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 940

You deserved it 5 252

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 14:01

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 106

03/06/2012 21:23

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 065

You deserved it 4 640

04/02/2015 16:02

Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 256

You deserved it 5 535

10/02/2016 16:57

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 227

You deserved it 1 364

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 54

24/06/2014 02:26

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 678

You deserved it 4 745

19/12/2012 20:53

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 246

You deserved it 17 664

15/08/2016 03:06

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 263

You deserved it 1 287

03/09/2011 14:36

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 050

You deserved it 3 489

25/07/2009 21:12

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 278

You deserved it 5 758

09/06/2013 05:01

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 179

You deserved it 13 132

23/01/2009 11:36

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 668

You deserved it 2 491

16/05/2013 10:24

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 122

You deserved it 5 355

27/12/2013 07:28

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 100

You deserved it 3 848

05/03/2010 05:24

Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and fell down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 398

You deserved it 6 173

13/05/2017 12:00

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 473

You deserved it 380

07/02/2012 09:27

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 226

You deserved it 2 328

Classic

By Daniel - 09/08/2021 16:01

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 74

11/08/2010 01:05

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 570

You deserved it 3 827

10/10/2013 14:11

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 773

You deserved it 15 695

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Top comments

ddrluna 2

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:32

What an awesome sense of humor. That would have been hilarious.

Seegtease 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:34

This is where you stand up and puts your hands up and say, "Woo hoo!"

Comments

ddrluna 2

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:32

What an awesome sense of humor. That would have been hilarious.

Jordna 0

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Monday 8 March 2010 19:35

This is so an MLIA not an FML.

uthinkurfunny 0

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Wednesday 24 March 2010 3:24

agreed

KiwiLime 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 9:05

agreed with 245. that's awesome!

DeeMillzee 4

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Tuesday 3 January 2012 4:45

Agreed. Shall one of us post about it on MLIA then??

Seegtease 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:34

This is where you stand up and puts your hands up and say, "Woo hoo!"

emikonaito 0

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Monday 3 August 2009 1:28

#2 and #7 I totally agree. I'd love to have that janitor xD you shoulda played it off~

Pepsiisbae 15

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Wednesday 10 August 2016 8:35

Thats what i would've done.wait i think i have done that.... I need a life

terimaa 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:35

I just wanted you to know that when I read 'janitor,' I immediately thought of Neil Flynn's character in Scrubs. Win for you, my friend.

Nanda_fml 0

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Tuesday 29 September 2009 6:08

Hahaha, EXACTLY my thought too!

who0p3 2

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Saturday 20 March 2010 21:45

scrubs ftw!

Alishmc 0

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Sunday 11 April 2010 10:00

YES AHAHAHAHHAHAHA

katiegurl19512 10

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Monday 14 June 2010 14:59

hahaha I thout that too!!!

crengel 0

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Thursday 14 April 2011 23:27

Same!?

FrakML 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:38

Ummm, yeah, I'd be proud of that... make the best of it

TeenTiger 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:40

I hope you got the winning run :D Also your "friend" did it on purpose.

kathyFTW 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:41

That's actually pretty awesome.

lewalrus 4

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:44

Hahahaha, I want that janitor in my school. NOW. He's awesome.

mf_fml 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:45

un-fyl. i'd have to agree with #6, it does sound pretty awesome.

ecilart 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:45

#3 that's exactly what I thought of too!

demons_dreaming 0

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Thursday 9 April 2009 9:49

that's the funniest thing i read today. i cracked up laughing and my dog sat up and looked at me like i was crazy.