Today, I realized how exhausted I was when I mixed up my eye... - FML

By

Today, I realized how exhausted I was when I mixed up my eye makeup remover with toner. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1583

You deserved it

352

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Messed up

Fundies say the darndest things

By NoBalls - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

105215

You deserved it

22422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 11:01

Cognitive dissonance

Today, in the same conversation with the same person, I got chewed out because our kids want to spend more time with me than her, and also because the kids spend too much time with her and she can’t work from home effectively. Can anyone explain how that works? FML

I agree, your life sucks

731

You deserved it

72

Tweet

Share

By birgz

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28847

You deserved it

21249

Tweet

Share

By yankeebelle - United States

OK Stephanie, whatever

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtly pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65678

You deserved it

3495

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 17:01

Daydream believer

Today, I apparently fell asleep during a work Zoom meeting. I awoke to no meeting on my screen and an e-mail from my boss saying I was terminated, and to do something about my "sleep apnea." FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

You deserved it

854

Tweet

Share

By IsThisRealLife - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22834

You deserved it

5765

Tweet

Share

By ~~~ - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47457

You deserved it

4320

Tweet

Share

By ...

Today, my girlfriend told me that her parents have a bet going on when we are going to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30378

You deserved it

3381

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13098

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55594

You deserved it

3600

Tweet

Share

By boopingsnoot

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4652

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30426

You deserved it

8316

Tweet

Share

By Softball - United States - Lansdale

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26139

You deserved it

5969

Tweet

Share

By Celina - United States

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9497

You deserved it

40509

Tweet

Share

By DemCherries - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my job as a police officer, I had to arrest my own girlfriend for having sex at Walmart. She tried to get me to let her out on the grounds of being "pretty" and dating me. She wants to continue the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9098

You deserved it

543

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38175

You deserved it

4126

Tweet

Share

By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33936

You deserved it

8660

Tweet

Share

By my kid! - 24/10/2020 14:02 - United States

QAnon weirdoes

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2037

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6114

You deserved it

1368

Tweet

Share

By Grad2010 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42848

You deserved it

3128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Drama Llama

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35153

You deserved it

10064

Tweet

Share

By Thatkid - Singapore

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18669

You deserved it

56426

Tweet

Share

By biotch - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44612

You deserved it

6380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Slicey machine go thwack

Today, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I have no way to pay my bills and very few places are hiring just now. My boss tried to make me feel better by saying her husband was just laid off and they'll struggle as well. She has a £120k salary and just got a £30k bonus. Apparently, "we're in the same boat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2032

You deserved it

134

Tweet

Share

By WorstLifeEver - United States

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64718

You deserved it

13368

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Worth a shot

Today, I told the guy I've been in love with for a year how I felt. He replied, "There will never be an us, but you can send nudes if you like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1862

You deserved it

227

Tweet

Share

By Marie - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54328

You deserved it

4769

Tweet

Share

By lovely - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46398

You deserved it

4559

Tweet

Share

By Crappit - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28331

You deserved it

3350

Tweet

Share

By toobad - United States

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58856

You deserved it

6708

Tweet

Share

By firelava - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39317

You deserved it

9765

Tweet

Share

By Erica - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32605

You deserved it

72363

Tweet

Share

By mikki_arlert - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10323

You deserved it

681

Tweet

Share

By scared for life - United States

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26994

You deserved it

2529

Tweet

Share

By mobster - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37254

You deserved it

19619

Tweet

Share

By Jakub89 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34986

You deserved it

7561

Tweet

Share

By groundedasfuck - United States - Bessemer

Nice try

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25076

You deserved it

55070

Tweet

Share

By gullible - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51768

You deserved it

3921

Tweet

Share

By spitball101 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53550

You deserved it

4923

Tweet

Share

By Tingly - United States

Today, I realized that that tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29367

You deserved it

6244

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By QueenSaru | 28

#7794063 - Tuesday 16 April 2019 22:53

What? No seriously, did you like... pour it IN your eye? I use toner on my eyelids/around my eyes and it's NEVER burned/hurt. Either you are using a shitty-ass toner, or... I don't know what the other options are, actually.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7794019 - Tuesday 16 April 2019 20:16

Did you break open your printer for that?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7794019 - Tuesday 16 April 2019 20:16

Did you break open your printer for that?

By QueenSaru | 28

#7794063 - Tuesday 16 April 2019 22:53

What? No seriously, did you like... pour it IN your eye? I use toner on my eyelids/around my eyes and it's NEVER burned/hurt. Either you are using a shitty-ass toner, or... I don't know what the other options are, actually.

By Rosaluv | 5

#7795287 - Saturday 20 April 2019 5:37

have you ever ..felt so dead that you mixed up your eyeliner and your eyebrow color? yeah. my redheaded self had fantastic Black eyebrows. smh