All the FMLs

Hey OP here it’s my FML but it won’t let me log into my account so I’m using this old one. My hand was a little infected but it’s all healed now so now worries. The mole’s gone af though...

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 05:00

Today, my mum put up a sticky fly trap to try get rid of our fly problem. My phone started ringing and I jogged to answer it, but my hair got stuck in the trap. My mum had to pull my hair out of the sticky mess and pick dead fly bodies out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 390

You deserved it 407

Gangsta

By Wolf - 07/11/2018 15:30

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 151

You deserved it 157

By amilia - 07/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 343

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 913

You deserved it 408

By sagecamreyyy - 06/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 14:00

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 558

You deserved it 199

By lel - 06/11/2018 13:30

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 031

You deserved it 253

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 05:00

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 3 782

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 22:00

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 660

You deserved it 367

Source?

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 15:30

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 288

You deserved it 3 628

Big man

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 14:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 037

You deserved it 318

By Embarrassed - 05/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 467

By analbel - 05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 221

Carless whisper

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 299

You deserved it 238

By littlekellilee - 05/11/2018 03:00

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 736

You deserved it 380

Mature

By Anonymous - 04/11/2018 22:00

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 346

You deserved it 981

By Chris Chandler - 04/11/2018 15:30

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 687

By Lady - 04/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everyone that my fiancé and I are having a "shotgun wedding" because we plan to get married quickly. She didn't realize that means that the bride is pregnant, which I'm not. I have no idea what to do with the baby gifts I'm receiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 473

You deserved it 247

Cartoons ruining the kids

By sally - 04/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 145

You deserved it 368

By nothingpersonalmate - 04/11/2018 05:10

Today, my mom decided to let my sandwich spoil instead of refrigerating it. I spent half an hour vomiting and my mom thinks it's funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 750

stillnothingpersonalmate tells us more.

stillnothingpersonalmate 2

Friday 2 November 2018 18:58

Hello all, I only mashed the keyboard for the password on my old account and have now made this. Anyway, I may have left something out here: this was not my sandwich and I'd crashed out and can't refridgerate it. As I was going to get my own food, my mom told me don't bother, I will get you a sandwich. How nice! I crashed instead. But I did not know that she wanted to leave the house so badly she just left it out at room temp without telling me. Even if I am at fault for not asking her to wake up, I still don't appreciate her thinking all this is funny.