Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

#13365724
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46659) - you deserved it (6619)

On 10/08/2010 at 12:55pm - love - by ringhider (man) - France (Lorraine)

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

#13365582
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38851) - you deserved it (5771)

On 10/08/2010 at 12:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

#13363790
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (8351)

On 10/08/2010 at 8:08am - animals - by themanzz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

#13363773
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30626) - you deserved it (6523)

On 10/08/2010 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was making my bed which would normally be a simple task, until I leaned into the wooden foot of my bed, and put my entire body weight on my left nut. FML

#13364492
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24671) - you deserved it (10096)

On 10/08/2010 at 6:53am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I sit here in agonizing pain because of a scoliosis surgery. I have a bunch of painkillers that I need to suppress this incredible back pain. Looks like I can't take any. My mom has hidden them from me because she THINKS I need to be taken off them. I wish my doctor were here. FML

#13363376
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36069) - you deserved it (2621)

On 10/08/2010 at 6:31am - health - by lmastr64 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

#13361904
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49823) - you deserved it (5292)

On 10/08/2010 at 1:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

#13360186
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27592) - you deserved it (5171)

On 10/07/2010 at 10:58pm - money - by udnrizh - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

#13359325
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29330) - you deserved it (5867)

On 10/07/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by hfksorws - Sent from mobile version

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

#13357555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10727) - you deserved it (33011)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

#13357466
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31849) - you deserved it (3392)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by toyotasmash - United States

Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML

#13355611
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26583) - you deserved it (5721)

On 10/07/2010 at 3:28pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

#13354725
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7448) - you deserved it (42950)

On 10/07/2010 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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