Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML
by stepmom / 06/18/2011 at 5:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by screwed / 06/18/2011 at 4:51am / United States / Love
by Khrixas_069 / 06/18/2011 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Iamnotmyself's comment : Looks like this conversation wasn't too "hot" or too "cool"
Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
by callie / 06/18/2011 at 2:08am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
BShady96's comment : well it does count as selfpleasuring...
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
by Inconnu / 06/18/2011 at 1:13am / France / Miscellaneous
NikkiFlysKites's comment : That's when you shove her head into the toilet.
Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML
by sucks4me / 06/18/2011 at 12:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 9:26pm / Israel / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML
by Anonyme / 06/17/2011 at 9:25pm / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Love
by Emily J. / 06/17/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML
by Willow / 06/17/2011 at 7:32pm / United States / Intimacy
by Hannah / 06/17/2011 at 5:24pm / Ireland (Sligo) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 5:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML
by ajdown / 06/17/2011 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation