Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice...

By lalanon - 3/4/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

186454

You deserved it

33361

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Dad jokes, part 43884

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 18/8/2013 20:13 - Germany - Koblenz

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43013

You deserved it

16841

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 14:01

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By gatewayev700 - 26/2/2015 16:18 - United States - Reading

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33947

You deserved it

5235

Favorite

By Victoria - 18/9/2019 06:00 - Australia - Perth

My name is?

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1295

You deserved it

378

Favorite

By broken - 13/9/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43821

You deserved it

4438

Favorite

By fianceeless - 21/1/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46475

You deserved it

3867

Favorite

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45886

You deserved it

5914

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/5/2018 15:00

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3735

You deserved it

463

Favorite

By n0taplumber - 16/11/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32684

You deserved it

4790

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/8/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

49061

You deserved it

11911

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47085

You deserved it

6504

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10417

You deserved it

56644

Favorite

By olyswimmer - 3/2/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34245

You deserved it

3628

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24708

You deserved it

2599

Favorite

By notagain - 7/3/2020 09:01

Grindr danger

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1538

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By technologyfail - 26/8/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19866

You deserved it

50824

Favorite

By snowinggrey - 19/2/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27681

You deserved it

11762

Favorite

By Mr.Viola - 20/6/2010 06:42 - United States

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31822

You deserved it

13726

Favorite

By paulinapo - 28/3/2013 13:52 - United States - Staten Island

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38255

You deserved it

2834

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61093

You deserved it

13698

Favorite

By grocerystalker - 16/11/2012 05:58 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26187

You deserved it

3321

Favorite

By HannaMD - 26/1/2015 15:21 - Canada

Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29415

You deserved it

5899

Favorite

By cupcakelady127 - 23/3/2011 11:25 - United States

Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35177

You deserved it

17089

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2015 17:35 - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28207

You deserved it

2471

Favorite

By cakestar9 - 31/12/2015 19:39 - Ireland - Ennis

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36368

You deserved it

3537

Favorite

By cavgirl - 12/4/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

145954

You deserved it

11195

Favorite

By Suprise - 17/8/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46939

You deserved it

8893

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/6/2019 02:12 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got a targeted YouTube ad that was intended for someone who owns a graveyard plot. Glad to know my watching habits match those of an undertaker's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1259

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By Keith walk - 12/2/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38117

You deserved it

22760

Favorite

By hannamacintosh - 28/6/2016 17:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10621

You deserved it

1550

Favorite

By lice - 28/3/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

125066

You deserved it

13945

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31451

You deserved it

5028

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 17:01 - United States - Pulaski

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51998

You deserved it

5571

Favorite

By Jaggu - 29/4/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33238

You deserved it

5072

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62343

You deserved it

9014

Favorite

By best_mom_ever - 19/10/2012 07:59 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30566

You deserved it

6675

Favorite

By Bug5992 - 9/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31687

You deserved it

10252

Favorite

By fucked - 6/2/2015 08:06 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21969

You deserved it

40306

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/9/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28071

You deserved it

7878

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/4/2015 20:55 - Australia - Caroline Springs

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39086

You deserved it

3243

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Spider_fml | 9

#79487 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:03

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

By Samilla | 0

#79495 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:05

That is what you get from being nice :p
Did you taste it ?? I guess you now know why he doesn't have that many friends

Comments

By Spider_fml | 9

#79487 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:03

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

KiSsKiZzy | 0

#753753 - Monday 4 January 2010 2:27

oh sorry

Lol J/k

(kinda)

MagnoliaFrog | 0

#965527 - Sunday 21 March 2010 4:42

oh my f-ing god WTF

By Samilla | 0

#79495 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:05

That is what you get from being nice :p
Did you taste it ?? I guess you now know why he doesn't have that many friends

dancingxthexmoon | 0

#1901196 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 19:07

oh no no no no....horrible mental image in my head. Ugh.

By Stupidpeople | 0

#79497 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:05

Well at least he was trying to be nfice and offer you some......

By dill91 | 0

#79498 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:05

Hahaha! Funny stuff

By josh1 | 0

#79500 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:06

what the hell? did you maybe.. say something about it? like.. tell him normal people dont do that?
haha at least he was being friendly?

By Jaxro | 6

#79508 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:08

Oh my god that's so wrong. I think I through up in my mouth.

I_lost_the_game | 25

#4142119 - Saturday 10 March 2012 0:51

*threw

By zach2519 | 0

#79509 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:08

So what did it taste like?

TheIronFez | 13

#6296325 - Wednesday 20 May 2015 15:55

What the hell is wrong with you?

By paradiso24 | 0

#79513 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:09

i didnt think there was anything grosser than watching someone pick their nose and eat it... this proved me wrong. nasty.

By purple5 | 0

#79514 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:09

aww poor boy, hope you told him people dont usually do that cause its gross :P
thats probably one of the reasons he has few friends...because noone is honest enough to tell him XD

By Chibi_fml | 9

#79515 - Friday 3 April 2009 16:10

... Ewwwww... That gave me the shivers for real. Isn't that potentially unhealthy?