Love: Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober,... - FML

By vetapplez - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

107209

You deserved it

8595

Tweet

Share

Our house, in the middle of our street

Little shit

Narcissists of the world, unite

By Blake Lawrence - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26732

You deserved it

2594

Tweet

Share

By hatboxghost - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65826

You deserved it

7703

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6888

You deserved it

27101

Tweet

Share

By Rebecca c - 23/3/2021 08:01

Nice neighborhood

Today, I had to clean up human poop that someone trailed through the store. Then, as I was cleaning up all the shelves at the end of the day, I saw that someone had changed their sanitary pad, took a new one out of the packed and used it, then left the used one on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1194

You deserved it

56

Tweet

Share

By J Money - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2899

You deserved it

318

Tweet

Share

By crissy becks - United States - Inglewood

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27027

You deserved it

2987

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31163

You deserved it

6016

Tweet

Share

By Very Divorced - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4712

You deserved it

423

Tweet

Share

By Whytetrash - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45973

You deserved it

3209

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27098

You deserved it

4104

Tweet

Share

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35808

You deserved it

3909

Tweet

Share

By muffin - United States

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46852

You deserved it

16547

Tweet

Share

By Tang - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5780

You deserved it

549

Tweet

Share

By rejected - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

156843

You deserved it

28783

Tweet

Share

By ChildFree - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31201

You deserved it

4526

Tweet

Share

By Mateo - France

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13753

You deserved it

67272

Tweet

Share

By pizzafreak18 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13043

You deserved it

54820

Tweet

Share

By shitty day - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33079

You deserved it

2417

Tweet

Share

By Chelsea - United States

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74246

You deserved it

38802

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48663

You deserved it

6713

Tweet

Share

By scammed - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36812

You deserved it

2858

Tweet

Share

By happybirthday - United States

Who? Where?

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34108

You deserved it

2770

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 17:00

The View

Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2789

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By whoanoa - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24357

You deserved it

3194

Tweet

Share

By captfml - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12259

You deserved it

27632

Tweet

Share

By jdawn99 - United States - Arkansas City

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47531

You deserved it

3195

Tweet

Share

By jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck - France - Toulon

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39860

You deserved it

9426

Tweet

Share

By lostforlife - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32733

You deserved it

6872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30330

You deserved it

2769

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2976

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By shit - United States

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32906

You deserved it

13720

Tweet

Share

By oheyimsarahh - United States

Today, I was sitting in social studies and someone threw a note at me. It said "Go fuck yourself, everyone hates you, just die." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53547

You deserved it

5262

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33654

You deserved it

2035

Tweet

Share

By Roll Tide of Tears - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24746

You deserved it

5646

Tweet

Share

By ktreens - Canada - Brandon

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9770

You deserved it

26320

Tweet

Share

By testacular - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Bad blow job

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24612

You deserved it

55616

Tweet

Share

By Adam Gordon

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4114

You deserved it

2035

Tweet

Share

By aldfgadfklbg - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49052

You deserved it

3112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 20:02

My ex the dumbass

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2398

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By bonertoolong - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18493

You deserved it

24006

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BlackWolfVII | 0

#81861 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:07

Well you know what they say about love. It's like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth. The situation is only slightly altered.

By dickinabox | 0

#81848 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:04

That's how you know he loves you!

COMMENTS

By dickinabox | 0

#81848 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:04

That's how you know he loves you!

Reply

LMFAOwned | 9

#1083136 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 7:08

You shudda swallowed. lol

Reply

Sassybq1 | 13

#2924298 - Monday 18 July 2011 20:45

lol exactly! he's marking his territory on you! lol

Reply

drdingus | 27

#4076711 - Thursday 23 February 2012 11:19

I agree

By BlackWolfVII | 0

#81861 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:07

Well you know what they say about love. It's like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth. The situation is only slightly altered.

Reply

zimandme123 | 0

#2785474 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 17:11

lol! my uncle got my mom a card like that one time:)

Reply

FiestyLegend07 | 0

#4311467 - Monday 16 April 2012 5:54

Haha, I never really thought of I that way. Lol

Reply

furordei | 2

#4363641 - Saturday 28 April 2012 3:46

Well said my friend.

By cnhd | 0

#81862 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:07

ode to young love

By jabberwocky_fml | 0

#81869 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:09

Some chicks dig that.

By humpty_dumpty_fml | 0

#81870 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:09

Sweeeet.

By audiorage | 0

#81876 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:11

that's one reason I don't drink

By life_is_a_hooker | 0

#81877 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:12

Wow... I'd say you were a good girlfriend... But I'm going to go with he isn't your boyfriend anymore for peeing on you...

PS WHY did you let him PEE on you TWICE?!

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#5963863 - Tuesday 3 June 2014 4:16

maybe she liked it?

By 666midnight | 0

#81909 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:21

Lol, like a dog marking his teritory =P

Reply

queenchewy | 0

#2264689 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 2:42

^^^^^ hahaha ^^^^^^

By King_of_Kings | 3

#81915 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:22

#7

the guy was drunk! he couldn't help where he peed.

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#81917 - Saturday 4 April 2009 17:24

choosing a drinking, idiot, who fancies water sports, is your fault