Health, Cats, Allergies and Love: Who the **** are you? - FML

Who the **** are you?

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 05:23 - Canada

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 178

You deserved it 7 602

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Same thing different taste

Cats and Cars

By Anonymous - 21/07/2014 22:49 - United States - Dublin

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 603

You deserved it 5 905

By polish_chik - 01/09/2009 04:00 - Canada

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 295

You deserved it 38 818

By Anonymous - 17/06/2019 20:48

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 164

Put a tiger in your tank

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 08:01

Today, a stray cat climbed up into my car's engine for shelter at some point last night. Guess how I found out this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

By anonymous - 06/06/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 349

You deserved it 1 586

Furry feral friend

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 62

Bees, wasps, that sort of thing

By HURRY UP - 24/05/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car for my roommate to come outside so we could get to work. He was taking his sweet ass time. And there was a large wasp flying around. And I have a fear of bees. And the window refused to roll up. I sat there, frozen in fear, until he finally came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 227

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 8 949

Choking over here

By JD. - 13/04/2021 00:30

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 262

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Top comments

arisanator9900 20

Thursday 20 July 2017 5:24

I can see why you jumped out, I would have too but I would have at least opened the doors of the car again and ran

Comments

arisanator9900 20

Thursday 20 July 2017 5:24

I can see why you jumped out, I would have too but I would have at least opened the doors of the car again and ran

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The Top

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 218

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was OK, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 797

You deserved it 7 227

Today, I found out that the owner of my workplace hasn't been paying any of the bills and that all 10 people on my crew and I will be losing our jobs in a matter of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 54

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 906

You deserved it 5 620

Today, my sister promised to wake me up at 8 for my 9:30 class. She woke me at noon, and only because I was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 966

Today, the woman that I left my wife for told me she just wanted me for sex and not a long-term relationship. I pleaded on my knees to my wife to take me back and rekindle our marriage and even suggested counseling. I even brought her roses. She slapped me with the roses and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 10 001

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 764

You deserved it 5 043