Love: Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of...

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 986

You deserved it 29 814

Love

Walk the line

The smell detective is on the case

The Phoebe Technique

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 177

You deserved it 51 168

By bummerdood - 26/08/2012 04:15 - United States - Wichita

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 7 973

By TakenAdvantageOf - 15/09/2017 04:30

Today, my husband asked to borrow money. He couldn't pay his half of the rent or utilities this month, but he did manage to buy a $1,700 radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 368

You deserved it 574

By MYLIFESUX - 12/04/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 125

You deserved it 56 836

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 507

By Kellie - 31/12/2010 09:55 - United States

Today, I found a hidden camera in my room equipped with night vision and a microphone. My parents have been spying on me for at least the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 3 078

By Nyquilwtf - 23/09/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 846

You deserved it 2 506

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 904

You deserved it 26 174

By AddictiveAddicted - 29/06/2015 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 115

You deserved it 31 637

By Airplane crap - 21/10/2014 20:13 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 918

You deserved it 4 109

By 2k16 - 17/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 765

You deserved it 1 667

By brelni - 28/11/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 136

You deserved it 4 746

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 054

You deserved it 608

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 206

Thanks, I guess

By whut - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 3 115

By spark - 27/08/2014 17:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 871

You deserved it 10 018

Big Baby

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 00:30

Today, I flushed the toilet while my boyfriend was showering. He responded by throwing a huge fit, saying how if he “gets a cold” from being “forced” to shower in cold water, I’m gonna “have to stay home and take care of him until he’s better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 260

By Karansuni - 14/10/2013 10:38 - Germany

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 030

You deserved it 3 370

By ... - 12/03/2009 18:57 - France

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 601

You deserved it 27 271

By Amore - 09/12/2014 19:15 - France - Bois-colombes

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 954

You deserved it 4 241

By sore - 19/04/2011 10:03 - Ireland

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 467

You deserved it 82 085

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 718

You deserved it 3 884

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 508

You deserved it 4 942

By Pinkie - 06/08/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 737

You deserved it 2 601

By little nokken - 19/05/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 758

You deserved it 465

Splish splash, I was taking a bath

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, my neighbour decided to get high while leaving his bathtub running, resulting in passing out and starting a flood in the hallways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 49

Don't hate the playa…

By Dannikins - 05/11/2020 01:01 - United States - San Antonio

Today, the guy I've been looking forward going on a date with had to cancel due to Covid. This wouldn't have been an issue, if I didn't see him later that night posting about him at a bar with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 530

You deserved it 15 154

By JaneVI - 10/02/2011 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 939

You deserved it 2 905

Stahp!

By Michael - 14/10/2020 23:02 - United States - Kearny

Today, I had to babysit my dying grandmother, so I brought up my guitar. She hadn't said anything to anyone today, and the first thing and only thing she said was, "Stop. Make it stop" to me when I played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 735

You deserved it 2 818

By Aciliveth - 10/06/2010 16:07 - Canada

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 015

You deserved it 4 432

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 980

By J.Smith - 15/01/2009 16:12 - France

Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 920

You deserved it 2 168

By SayCheese - 02/04/2013 22:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 958

You deserved it 72 164

By gothchick201013 - 09/09/2016 18:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 005

You deserved it 1 104

Shooting!

By WittyMoron - 08/01/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 3 357

By PumaGator - 04/06/2016 20:39

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 741

You deserved it 2 072

By LLCoolBean - 03/03/2011 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 536

You deserved it 58 748

By soldierboy - 30/08/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 521

You deserved it 13 682

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Top comments

lesb_lv 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 13:04

Right answer: "sorry, stared, because you seemed hot, but, dont worry, I wont do it again - now i know that you are a bitch"

GloomySkyz 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:22

3 way? xD

xvqxz 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:22

first ...and FYL for them jumping to conclusions. but YDI for staring. I don't stare at girls making out with guys just because I think she's hot. that is a little rude...

GloomySkyz 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:22

3 way? xD

dan81892 2

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Sunday 19 July 2009 4:21

invite me, and it'll be a foursome =D i mean, you always have to have one guy in there.

truelyawesome 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 8:58

faggot

ilikepie789 0

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Monday 5 April 2010 6:25

no dan i already have dibs

truelyawesome 0

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Sunday 11 April 2010 7:03

am I the only God-fearing person who finds this wrong?!? the fact that fml has become a host for whiny gays is sad

kaytbugg61 0

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Monday 12 April 2010 2:00

@ 173 oh no trust me honey you aren't i am a pretty religious person and it ticks me off that people are disobeying something like that out of the Holy Bible! and homosexuality is just sick! people shouldn't even joke about 3-somes and stuff like that its sick! i mean sure i sin plenty and i'm ashamed but ugh! i VERY strongly dislike homosexuals it is a direct violation of the Holy Bible i am not prejudice but seriously! but like i said, honey you arent the only God- fearing person who finds this very wrong i agree completely! and sorry if it freaks you out that i called you honey i call everyone honey but thank you for posting that comment because the lesbian thing was crawling under my skin and i was hoping someone would post something like that! you have alot of my respect even if i dont know you!

Rina_Diggory_64 0

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Saturday 17 April 2010 4:40

Most of us can't even choose if were homosexual or bisexual!! Some of are are born with it and it's to hard to fight off. The heart wants what it wants. So answer me this, if God hates homosexuals so much then WHY would he make us that way? Huh, what's you answer for that. God makes each and every one of us and he chooses how we are, we have no control over that. And come on...Nothing...NOTHING in the bible says that God hates homosexuals. It's just something everyone's come to believe and it's crap.

haleylynn24 0

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Sunday 2 May 2010 4:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

apfunction 0

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Friday 14 May 2010 2:56

174: shut your fucking pathetic mouth bitch. not everyone believes the same bullshit fairy tales you do. fuck you. I hope you get fucking cancer and die.

Skittlesbaby 7

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Friday 4 June 2010 6:15

well I used to study the bible. yes, I know that the scriptures gear you away from such things as homosexuality, but it also says bo to discrimination and to love all for who they are! for 174 to flat out day homosexuals are horrible and to call them out and day what s/he did was just plain ignorant. there's no need to be so f-ing rude.

kennakatherine 0

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Saturday 12 June 2010 8:40

So infertile straight couples are immoral?

11colio11 4

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Tuesday 29 June 2010 12:32

Ok so you are not prejudice, you just don't like homosexuals. God dammit you are a complete retard. You are just one of those people who hide behind the bible for topics they don't fully understand. YOU are the reason christians look bad

quesoesbueno59 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:23

LOL And FIRST!

xvqxz 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:24

sorry #3, i beat you to it. better luck next time ;)

BigLord 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:24

LOLOL awesome, that's not a FML or a YDI at all, in my opinion. It's just an hilarious event. You should have just told them that you're a lesbian too.

nbrachelxo 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:25

ahah aww! :P

D2theLux 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:27

Haha nice. Did you get their number so you could join in on the Lesbian shenanigans?

Stupidpeople 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:32

Crazy kids

youreawhore 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 12:33

Hahahaha, threesome fun :D Not your fault, I can't really tell you to be more discreet when checking someone out or else they might think you're judging them with disapproving glances.