Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

by Rekt / 11/10/2016 at 12:40am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

by Rosie J. / 11/09/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

by knuckleheadknock / 11/09/2016 at 9:11pm / Work

bartsj88's comment : I'm confused as to how describing your boss as "rather large" had any relevance to this FML.

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Today, an older lady loudly accused me of masturbating on the public bus. I simply had my eyes closed and was twirling my hair. FML

superapple's comment : What hair? Your pubic hair?

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Today, at my first AA meeting, my best friend thought it would be funny to burst in drunk and tell everyone that I was the champion at beer pong and that there was a party at my place after my "quitter club" ended. FML

by joeker124 / 11/18/2016 at 12:55am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

allykaymorris's comment : Well he definitely will not be proud of himself when he sobers up. I sincerely hope, anyways.

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Today, I was crying and telling my boyfriend about my problems. When he suddenly stood up, I thought that he was going to grab me some tissues. Turns out he'd gone to get earplugs. FML

by tristounette / 12/12/2011 at 12:45am / Finland (Western Finland)

Today, at school, we were supposed to say something that we are thankful for. When I was about to speak, one of the girls at my table said, "It's okay, you can say PornHub." FML

by Bonngoo / 11/17/2016 at 1:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

by GoodbyeNewJob / 11/17/2016 at 1:00pm / Work

Today, to keep my dog from barking in my ear in the car, I put a buzz collar on him. It worked: he barked once, the collar vibrated, he shut up. Then, his 75 pounds trembling in terror, he pissed himself and all over the back seat. FML

by ThatBackfired / 11/17/2016 at 10:51am / Animals

2016/11/17
Blog

Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML

by crazymentalblond / 11/17/2016 at 6:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

by ribx / 11/17/2016 at 6:24am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Health

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2016 at 8:29pm / Work