Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

by ohwell / 09/01/2016 at 1:49pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2016 at 11:40pm / United States (California) / Transportation

j11a01's comment : Never move a car for an accident. Something simple as that can make you at fault.

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Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

by Ihatepants / 08/31/2016 at 9:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

SwedishMaria's comment : How do you go a full day without noticing? I would think that you'd notice if you went to the bathroom etc.

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Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

by guh / 08/31/2016 at 11:54am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

AnthraxPrincess's comment : Well, at least you were concerned about your brother and turns out he was totally fine. Imagine if you didn't go check on him and it was really a seizure. Fyl, though, OP. Hope you can get that image out of your mind someday.

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Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

by Dizzie Rascal / 08/31/2016 at 7:01am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

by BiteMe / 08/30/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

by Peter Parker / 08/30/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out that my college textbooks, which I spent nearly $200 dollars on for the two of them, did not come with the codes they were advertised with. The codes are needed for online classwork that is required to pass the course. Each new code is $90 a piece. FML

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

by kafreen / 08/30/2016 at 3:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long, heartfelt message this morning. Her response? "What do you need? Or is this even really you?" FML

by anon / 08/30/2016 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

by lkvetched / 08/30/2016 at 1:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I heard from multiple people that my girlfriend called me a dumbass because I apparently sent her "Good Morning" twice. We aren't even three full days into the relationship. FML

by J / 08/30/2016 at 1:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, after missing my flight and being stuck on the other side of the globe, I received a call telling me that the "male, neutered" kitten I adopted 7 months ago is now pregnant. FML