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Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

#21391907
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32988) - you deserved it (2602)

On 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

KayDee29's comment : I believe she incests on you performing unspeakable acts. I would just avoid her for a few years.

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Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

#21391724
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27407) - you deserved it (16898)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:34am - health - by jamisbetter - United Kingdom

fuckedPriceless's comment : I would Nutella soul what you think of Nutella from now on if I were you.

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Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

#21391716
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33671) - you deserved it (2494)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:12am - animals - by Crappy - Canada (Ontario)

c_wyld's comment : "What a shitty situation" is going to be at least half of the comments on here...

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Today, my boss finally did something nice for me and bought me a coffee. By mistake I poured salt in it. To not be ungrateful, I drank it all in front of her. FML

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28106) - you deserved it (16599)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30277) - you deserved it (4660)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

#21391444
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (1854)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm - misc - by pukeytimes - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26744) - you deserved it (2865)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

#21391357
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29035) - you deserved it (3080)

On 04/10/2015 at 4:19pm - love - by undanya__four (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31926) - you deserved it (2328)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

#21391230
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27145) - you deserved it (3085)

On 04/10/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Crazy cat lady - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML



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