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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after being in a committed relationship for five years, I just found out that my girlfriend's parents have no idea that we are together. She says she "forgot" to tell them. FML

nesssy's comment : That's weird. I wonder how it took you 5 years to find out tho.

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Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

#21515569
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15508) - you deserved it (14701)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Steffi3's comment : If it's so important, you should have triple checked. So, YDI

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Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

#21515564
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9775) - you deserved it (19189)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm - misc - by motherfucked (man) - United States (Maryland)

Tomato_Cheese's comment : Ooh look we have a message from our awesome son. It's a link! Wow! That odd-AHH WHAT THA FUCK IS THAT!?!??

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Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

#21515559
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20502) - you deserved it (1785)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:41am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

#21515551
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23171) - you deserved it (1281)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:25am - love - by Really (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

#21515547
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21160) - you deserved it (1250)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:08am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

#21515546
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21274) - you deserved it (1832)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

#21515486
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21789) - you deserved it (2188)

On 01/15/2016 at 5:56am - kids - by DatAss (woman) -

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

#21515446
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20851) - you deserved it (1580)

On 01/15/2016 at 1:57am - kids - by Vitani_Verci -

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

#21515416
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22968) - you deserved it (1926)

On 01/14/2016 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

#21515273
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23456) - you deserved it (1633)

On 01/14/2016 at 5:21pm - misc - by notmyfault - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband taught our son how to pee while standing. His aim is as poor as my husband's, but I guess now they can blame their mess on each other. FML

#21515142
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20449) - you deserved it (1582)

On 01/14/2016 at 10:05am - kids - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)



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