By jb123 - 29/12/2020 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs

I'm still young

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2828

You deserved it

190

Favorite

Kids

Dangling modifier

Hello everyone!

Noise

By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 11:44 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33342

You deserved it

3302

Favorite

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Loud fart

Today, I was accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

594

Favorite

By Kathryn - 13/8/2011 10:31 - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11364

You deserved it

40974

Favorite

By steph - 31/5/2016 20:12 - United States - Helotes

Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so that my boy friend won't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10108

You deserved it

2672

Favorite

By forgotmyownbirthday - 27/11/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9124

You deserved it

60644

Favorite

By bottlepoppin - 2/3/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47880

You deserved it

3931

Favorite

By Alex - 26/6/2014 21:13 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks

62710

You deserved it

3396

Favorite

By Becks - 7/9/2020 23:01

The spirit of John Lennon

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1407

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29989

You deserved it

3014

Favorite

By Nanda - 14/6/2016 06:03 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13316

You deserved it

1133

Favorite

By lolographic24 - 13/2/2010 13:44 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25255

You deserved it

4054

Favorite

By Kaz - 7/5/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12554

You deserved it

50123

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 23:10

Great guy

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1635

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By Pissed - 20/6/2016 19:27 - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12224

You deserved it

2911

Favorite

By Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42072

You deserved it

2762

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 14:00

Big up retail workers

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1759

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8143

You deserved it

881

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 02:51 - United States - Mission

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12452

You deserved it

22366

Favorite

By GOT not for me - 15/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1111

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By 9gingerface66 - 15/1/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29666

You deserved it

4637

Favorite

By denied - 26/3/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66563

You deserved it

5093

Favorite

By sideeffect001 - 2/2/2016 18:48 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21415

You deserved it

4253

Favorite

By anna - 22/12/2011 21:25 - France

Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35841

You deserved it

4574

Favorite

By peepants - 4/6/2019 14:00

Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2092

You deserved it

282

Favorite

By Sonic - 15/1/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7411

You deserved it

30723

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/3/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29483

You deserved it

2731

Favorite

By GoulashQueen - 8/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1713

You deserved it

459

Favorite

By twitch - 7/10/2019 18:00

Today, on Maury…

Today, I found out I'm pregnant after 14 years of being told I'll likely never have kids. My fiancé has a 7 year-old child with a woman who used it to stop him from leaving her. Yesterday, she filed a false report/restraining order to keep him from his kid, because he refused to leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1730

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34170

You deserved it

8869

Favorite

By frozensolid - 24/1/2013 21:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44129

You deserved it

3214

Favorite

By mat - 21/1/2009 06:02 - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34119

You deserved it

2565

Favorite

By Bl6122 - 2/2/2017 21:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school's alumni association for my recent passing. I'm still alive! FML

I agree, your life sucks

9058

You deserved it

680

Favorite

By Sady_Ct - 17/3/2019 18:00

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3268

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By BadNurse - 11/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8244

You deserved it

522

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 22:08

Today, I was reading a book, and my severe OCD makes it impossible for me to look up from reading if I haven't finished the page. This includes times like when my mother is frantically calling for help after falling off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1747

You deserved it

897

Favorite

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33960

You deserved it

5848

Favorite

By C0olgirl - 3/4/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19513

You deserved it

225395

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2018 01:30

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5141

You deserved it

297

Favorite

By oneillrox - 3/11/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32737

You deserved it

4371

Favorite

By RabbitOwner - 7/1/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14985

You deserved it

21657

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MyNameIsPorter | 23

#7870456 - Sunday 29 December 2020 20:03

Yeah, I'd say she's a little less than "sweet".

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7870517 - Sunday 29 December 2020 22:38

And I hope you told her that and also told her maybe to not be such a hideous human.

COMMENTS

By MyNameIsPorter | 23

#7870456 - Sunday 29 December 2020 20:03

Yeah, I'd say she's a little less than "sweet".

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7870466 - Sunday 29 December 2020 20:41

More like a bitter, old woman.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7870517 - Sunday 29 December 2020 22:38

And I hope you told her that and also told her maybe to not be such a hideous human.

By HonestAbe500 | 7

#7870523 - Sunday 29 December 2020 22:46

tell the lady that she'd be getting fucked herself if she wasn't such a nosy fuck.

By juggalo2 | 13

#7870537 - Sunday 29 December 2020 23:27

"Is your nose bleeding?"
"What? No I--"
*POW*

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7870544 - Sunday 29 December 2020 23:42

"I'm 23 and married for x years, you dumb old hag"

By KaD6 | 23

#7870546 - Sunday 29 December 2020 23:49

I hope you told that.

By evilplatypus | 38

#7870558 - Monday 30 December 2020 0:49

“Maybe if you weren’t such a bitter old bitch, you’d have someone who loves you.”

By iamnuff | 11

#7870568 - Monday 30 December 2020 3:09

Don't be afraid to haul off and slap someone.
People gotta learn.

By Elizabeth Burley | 21

#7870571 - Monday 30 December 2020 3:18

I hope you told the "sweet" old lady off. How damn rude. Maybe you look young for your age? I'm going to be 27 and people always think I look like I'm 18 or something. Its frustrating. Sorry for this happening to you OP. Best of luck!