Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML
by Geese Ahoy / 11/14/2016 at 12:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML
by Silverfeathery / 11/14/2016 at 6:19am / United States (Maine) / Love
by merchgirl / 11/14/2016 at 5:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
species4872's comment : Should give her the fucking sausage from the handbag.
Today, after searching everywhere to find out where the funny smell that seemed to follow me everywhere came from, I finally found the sausage that my father had put in my purse. It has been a week. FML
Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML
by Knittedbirch / 11/13/2016 at 9:36pm / Miscellaneous
mariri9206's comment : Just back out. Tell your mom's friend "I'm sorry but, not only did I not agree to this yet, I'm actually unable to housesit for you right now, unfortunately. Maybe, next time you need a housesitter, we can work out a deal." You have no obligation to housesit for them - you didn't say you'd do it. Your mom did and, until you confirm and agree to, it's not for sure. Also, there's no legal obligation for you to housesit, either, as you'd be getting nothing out of it and for it to be legally binding in any way, it needs to benefit you as well as her.
by Oops_Im_Blushing / 11/13/2016 at 1:14am / Love
by kmtau / 11/09/2016 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
RichardPencil's comment : The next pair will be twenty-ate!
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
by daughter in law / 11/08/2016 at 1:05am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML
by shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it / 11/07/2016 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2016 at 3:13pm / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…